Be a good robot

In a world gone mad, one must feign insanity to survive.

I'm not saying that this world has gone mad, I'm just saying if it did, be ready to act crazy.

I'm trying not to think about myself too much. Trying to be a good robot. I'm probably as well known by my numeric designations as my alphabetic. Customer number, account number, licence number, phone number, employee number, extension number, pay code, ip address et cetera. Maybe I need to go into the shop for repairs. A few of my systems have been malfunctioning, or at least functioning in a reduced capacity. But what if I did that intentionally, to down regulate my overactive thought processes, like CTRL-ALT-DELETEing my non-responsive thought-windows? It's something I've talked about before.

It sounds ridiculous I realize; why would anyone want to reduce their thoughts? Knowledge is power though, and power corrupts. I just seem to be constantly fighting myself for control of my emotions. My actions are my own, but how I feel about them is out of my control apparently. See, right now, I'm thinking about going to buy some bourbon. I know I want to, and I'll enjoy it at least for a while, but I'll feel guilty and I'll be broke well before payday if I get it. So I try not getting it. I'm still thinking about it, still wanting a drink, still unhappy, but at least I have the money I would have spent otherwise? Is that really a good reason not to go buy a bottle, fear of guilt? So I'll just stay home feeling pathetic and ashamed and weak, but I'll still have that thirty bucks. I'll be able to maintain my nicotine addiction and maybe buy myself a few coffees. I could even eat some greasy fast food. Surely all better choices.

Then why am I still thinking about the sauce?
I'm not convinced. I don't have enough money to really live comfortably, so I might as well steal a bit of comfort from a bottle until I can. Trouble is, I don't see a time when that will happen. I never finished my degree, I still have a student loan to pay off, my parents can't afford to send me to school and I can't afford it myself. I'd be looking at a mortgage-sized debt load by the time I finished. Then the fun begins; interest at the bank, job search, housing market, car insurance, life insurance, health insurance, latest fashion, techno-trends, vacation destination, time management, a rat-race life.

*sigh*

I probably over analyze things, which is why I mentioned down regulating my thoughts. Too worried about the future, not enough enjoying the now. Maybe I should cut back on the caffeine.

The liquor store is almost closed now, soon it will be too late to drink even if I want too. I should probably spend that money soon though, that way I won't be able to buy booze. If I dry out for a week or so, I should be able to avoid 'getting wet'. I don't deal with stress well, and I don't like telling people to quit bothering me. I rather make myself unappealing to be around, and hopefully they leave of their own accord. It's sad, I know. Drinking also makes it easier for me to be around others, sometimes I even enjoy myself, so that presents a difficulty. It reminds me that I was once a social animal. I used to say things like 'trust in random' and 'random will provide'. I was so optimistic. I even thought communism sounded like a good idea.

Now though, I have less faith in my fellow man. I have seen our shortcomings, and they frighten me. Our ability to overlook and deny and tolerate evil is astounding. But we do use it to define ourselves as separate from it. But if we try and understand the evil, well, sometimes we find it to be not so separate after all. So what do you do?

Politeness, diplomacy, debate, tolerate, don't rock the boat though, that's not tolerated. Try and control yourself as best you can, don't leave yourself too vulnerable or exposed. Controlled out bursts to 'blow off steam', indulging in temporary escapes. Do what I do, try to be more like a robot. You are a passive observer in your environment, occasionally called upon to contribute when you can. It is your duty to try and maintain the environment if you can. A better environment for the humans around you means there should be someone there to fix you if you break down, so it is a logical course of action as well. Occasionally your programming may be overridden and you may have to do things that do not interest you, but you are a robot, a machine used to safely navigate, maintain, and explore the environment for which you were created. That doesn't sound too bad actually.

I've been thinking of humans as analogous to computers lately. We have our hardware, our software, our peripherals, our operating systems and acquired data, the user to direct our actions, all that fun stuff. The big difference as I see it, is the Internet. Is that, like, equivalent to our world? The environment in which virtual entities exist and move about? Or is it the collective unconscious? A means of passively sharing data amongst inter-connected 'life forms' for the mutual benefit of all involved? If that is the case, it is apparently far more developed than our own collective unconscious. Perhaps we could take a lesson from our creation here, and shift to a more hive-mind oriented existence. I have no idea how this might be accomplished of course, and I hope it would be similar to the Internet in that you could disconnect at will. Our computers maintain their own hard drives despite their connection to larger servers. Is the Internet like our dreams perhaps? A pool of data who's sources may not necessarily be trustworthy, but may still nonetheless provide very valuable and useful insights for our waking life. That rings true for my simile.

Tim Leary thought computers and the Internet were the next big thing after acid, the next evolution in consciousness. That, life extension and space travel. All good things really.

There, the liquor store is closed. My thirst too, has passed. I am even pleased with what I have written, and the thoughts between the words make me hopeful for the future.

That's one thing I say a lot now; 'I'll see you in the future'. I act cynical, but obviously I believe there will be a future, and I'll be there to see it. Also, I'm a smart ass, and time seems to only go one way, and if I ever see someone again, it'll always be in the future.

So let's all be good polite robots, help the humans out, and hopefully we'll get to see some cool stuff. See you in the future. \m/