Questions and Answers

Here is a quick jotted list of questions i had for my spouse, in case I forget(valium);


Questions asked and answered;


Is Marc Bernard an ape-man? - Not exactly
Is he bigger than me? - Yes
Bigger cock or not proportional ?- I DoN'T KnoW! (evasive)
Cuz u said I was the biggest - not much of an answer given, basically "I DON'T KNOW!"
can beat me up not a big deal - Check
army; not a fan cuz Marc? - What? (Ricky DUnn, u said not army man) Well, I don't know marc wasn't in the army when i was with him he was retired (but did it MAKE him crazy?) No more than he already was....

Unasked;
Do you think the sex was unpleasant cuz you were both on speed, and didn't realize the dryness/increased longevity would make things difficult? Knowing that now, do you think things with Marc could at some point(say I die) be given another shot?
Or was it not unpleasant, just awkward? BASICALLY; WTF happened with him and you? WHEN, did you cheat on Stephane? Nah, i think it was between him and Kevin. But yah, what happened after? Did you talk to him the next day? How are you guys now? You gave him all your movies? Do you love him? He get army pension/sorry I'm a broke-ass?

Gay-Dan
Did you sleep in his bed(if so; with him? spooning?)? Kissing, like thank you kiss on the cheek(doubtful)? Hold each other close? bum touching(if so, who's)? Did he touch your tits(if so, thru shirt, bra or bare)? Crotch touches? just hand on pants or like crotch-to-crotch? How did that visit end? Talk to him after? When 'falling out' happened/why? No nudity, right?

5(or 6) guys Or 6? WTF? 1 may or may not count? May or may not have happened(don't know/remember)? Any from BHS? How many after Stephane? Sure never cheated? Anyone I know? Anyone named Steve or Bryan? No Jack either? All from Bathurst?

others
How many just got hj or bj or to give you one? Making out often include heavy petting? How many cocks you figure you've touched besides the 5-6 guys? How many seen(doesn't matter really)? How many guys have touched your vag? Tasted?
How many guys you think you went on a date/made out(or kissed)/hooked up/fooled around with?

ME
Is there anything I can do to set myself apart more so? How can I be better? Do you want to know anything about me/my past? Why do you feel the need to keep secrets from me? Do you trust me(I know, just you always ask me when I worry)?
Why aren't we having sex? Can I do something to improve the situation? Am I really the best you've ever had(i'd believe it, you seemed genuinely surprised a few times, heh heh)? The biggest(I know, size doesn't matter all that much, and mine kinda varies.... but it's ok if marc 'the monkey' bernard had a bigger wang. I still don't understand that shit...)?

YOU
Do you prefer women? ARE YOU SURE? Would you like to try that out maybe? Are you holding a grudge/punishing me(with regard to sex I mean, obviously you are in other ways 8P)? Am I stifling you(like too in your space)? Do you need some space? Why is there always some reason why you can't get comfortable with sex? When did that start? Was it when I moved in? Not long after perhaps? The summer you worked a ton and I hardly worked? Can we try to get more comfortable talking about(and hopefully having!) sex? PLEASE!!! Do you know I am jealous of thomas? I'm jealous of the camera, as you seem to be willing to do more with it than with me? I'm jealous of David, who some days seems to be more important to you than me? Are you pushing me away? WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!


*****
End of list
So, am I crazy? IS this none of my business? Am I retarded? I don't know

So, guess what, I'm gonna be a parent. (Part 2; )

Well,
Things are moving along quite quickly now. Since I last posted, we heard the heartbeat of our unborn child, which was pretty cool. Healthy, 160 bpm, which is normal for a fetus. Michelle was a little stressed and even had the idea that maybe she wasn't pregnant at all, but had an ovarian tumor that made her miss her period. I pointed out there was much more going on than just the lack of menstruation. So yeah, she knew herself it was a pretty silly concern, but it was still there, nonetheless.

Last weekend I bought a car. It was my first car purchase. I'm twenty five years old, so, I'm a little late in getting around to buying a car. But, I got a pretty good deal, talked the guy down eight hundred bucks, always fun. The registration was cheaper to switch than I thought too, another bonus. Then I smoked a joint with the guy that sold me the car before I dropped him off. He was quite happy about that.

So, we drove to Bathurst this weekend to try it out. The cd player broke the first day, of course, but now I have an excuse to go buy a new fancy one! With a USB input as well as aux, so we can plug in the ipod, or even just a thumbstick. Maybe some speakers too, but I'll see how the new stereo sounds first.

We did our income tax this week too, and it looks like I should be getting a pretty penny. I hope to be able to buy a new computer, as my current laptop is over four years old, and kind of on its last leg. Don't get me wrong, it works fine and all, but it's processor and hard drive and even lack of dvd-burner are becoming annoying. You know, constantly deleting things so you can download new things, and not being able to watch something on one screen and surf the web in the other is a little bit of a hassle. Not to mention the mysterious overheat shutdowns.

I finished my first Math course of the Pharmacy Tech program today. I had a 101% average going in, I hope to maintain that if possible. But, I guess it's no biggie if I end up with a two digit average instead of three. I'm such a nerd. Also at school, we're doing a major review in Medical Science, as we our doing our midterm soon, and our second lab practical exam is tomorrow. March break is next week, so, we're kind of wrapping things up and moving things along to make sure we stay on pace.

The week that we come back after March break, the national pharmacy people are coming to the school to make sure we comply with all the requirements in order to be accredited, so after we finish our course, we just write the national exam to receive "Pharmacy Technician" certification. The teacher needed some volunteers to be in the lab just as a demonstration and to answer questions afterwards. I volunteered, because hey, it's certainly in my best interest for the course to be accredited. Also I'm a fairly knowledgeable member of the class, so, (not to toot my own horn) I would be a good representative for the class. Not the only one, but one of the better ones.

8)

And lastly, I come to my latest news. I recently ordered a research chemical, one that is very similar to ritalin, but more potent. I had thought about this for a few years, but only recently got a credit card, making it much easier to order. I may look at making that into a solution or packing some gelcaps, but it apparently is fairly unstable, so I guess I'll have to do some reading. I hope I don't run into any legal problems with this. I shouldn't as it is an unregulated substance. For now anyway.

Oh! I almost forgot! We made up a batch of pot brownies! With chocolate chips on top, mmmMMMmm, yummy! About one gram per brownie, not as good as the time my neighbour made them with hash, but still pretty excellent. The really do taste good too, like you kinda want to keep eating them, even though you shouldn't.

But yeah, having a car has been a big help for us. We can go do groceries without needing cabs, we can go through the drivethru at fast-food places, and of course, we can drive around, smoke, drink coffee, and listen to music. We got a four door, we're planning ahead. Got a car with decently low mileage as well, want it to last us a bit. Been fun driving to school, no more up at 6am to catch the bus at 7:15.

We've been shopping around for apartments too, as our current dwelling is a little ghetto, and we would prefer ground floor as well, Michelle being pregnant and already having a bad knee, we don't imagine stairs will be much fun this summer when she's about ready to pop.

Michelle has come around quite a bit. She doesn't seem scared, more excited. She's looking at all kinds of decorations and toys and furniture and blankets for babies, it's quite overwhelming really. But I'm just glad she's in better spirits.

She told the doctor she was pretty depressed, and she was prescribed a low dose of a SSRI anti-depressant. I guess it's working, but some of the side effects sort of suck. A lot. Like, for instance, reduced libido. I dunno, I assume it's the pills, because I stopped drinking like two weeks ago, and the sex kinda dried up around the same time. I'm a little concerned that there might be a connection there, but I'm doubtful. Also she's been sleeping like crazy, but that wouldn't bother me as much if she wanted to have sex when she was awake. Even a handjob would be nice.

Ok, perhaps I reveal too much now. But basically, all is well. I'm just a little whiner. We've got lots on the go, and the future is bright. I hope all is well with everyone else out there in the digiverse. May random find you well. \m/

No Vember Thirtieth

I'm all nervous feeling and shaky. I don't know if it's too much caffeine, or not enough alcohol. I know, it sounds shady, but I was reading in my medical text today about how alcohol stops involuntary tremors. I went out at lunch, had a quick nip, then back to class. I was a little nervous at first, that I might let out a big beer-burp or something, but nothing happened. I didn't sweat profusely, if anything, I was less nervous than I generally am when I speak in class. Still though, a dangerous road, drinking at school. Drinking early in the day, on a regular basis, isn't generally a good idea, in my experience anyway.

So, in addition to my sweaty-shaky-vomitous-feverish good times, I've been a little jealous of Michelle's work colleagues again. I remembered though, that she loves me, and all that good stuff. I also elaborated a bit, realizing that if she did meet someone at work that she preferred over me, it would be awful of me to try and keep them apart for my own selfish gains. If I love her, and want her to be happy, I should really stop worrying about other guys. Other guys will always be around, and if she wants one, there's nothing I can do to stop her. And, if it made her happier than she is now, I wouldn't want to stop her. Well, ok, I'd want to, but I probably wouldn't. I probably couldn't might be more accurate. I'm all about italics tonight.

So yeah, I'm going to try and relax about that. It just makes me sad that she ends up spending 12 hours a day with some of these guys, and I see her an hour before work in the morning, at the most, and in the evening until one of us goes to sleep. Even then, at night, often one or both of us are stressed from our day, Michelle likes to rant, if she rants about her male coworkers a lot, I usually get sad. Of course, I'm always worried that we aren't having sex enough, but then I drink to try and relax or because my mouth hurts, or even hanging out with Michelle playing Mario Kart for shots, and I get sad, or worse. Then I feel bad, and unworthy, and I just cower and hide for a while. Needless to say; not very attractive. So yeah, I shoot myself in the foot too.

Oh, and for the record, my mouth hurts because I had a tooth pulled last weekend. Not just two days ago(it's Monday today), but the Saturday before that. A molar. Kinda got some dry-socket going on I think. Not too-too bad, but you know, I smoke, and I smoked the day I had it pulled, so it's not entirely unexpected. There I go again with shooting myself in the foot.

God I miss her, I'm going to go meet her at work soon. I'm going to try and just be cool and not try and get into her pants tonight. I'm going to try I say, because it's hard for me to not like, touch her or want to touch her when I look at her and stuff. I guess I probably freak out over touch too much, I don't know. Something isn't quite right on my end I think, probably why I can't quite figure it out; because it's my problem.

December tomorrow; the month of Christmas and my birthday, as well as the new year. Two weeks off of school too, and a trip to Bathurst featuring turkey and family, always fun. I need to pick up a bus pass tonight though, if I think about it. I wonder if I would have time to get one before I meet Michelle. But I digress. Later this week, my mom is staying with us for the night. She's visiting a friend nearby and wants to stop in on her way back and do some shopping. She's bringing me my old jacket, which is good, because the zipper broke on my new one. There's velcro to hold it closed, but no buttons, so, at best it's pretty breezy. Also my mason jars will be coming, time to resurrect Project Green Dragon perhaps? Lots to look forward to anyway.

Well that about wraps things up for now. May random find you well. Have a good one.
\m/

Ok, so maybe I spoke too soon.
I'm still pretty up and down, switching quickly between them.
Especially down, when I get down, that seems to hit me fast, like, within one breath fast.
Kinda like getting the wind knocked out of you I guess. But like, not so shuddery.

I got the urge to delete the blog again. That feeling of futility, like, why even bother.
Obviously I didn't do it if you're reading this. Unless you're that 'draft auto-saved' robot and you read this as I wrote it, but before I deleted my blog. I'm being a bit ridiculous I suppose.

I want to get drunk and touch myself, is that wrong?

I'm so all over the place. I've got to get up early tomorrow to go to Training and Skills Development Canada, so I can see about getting some government money to help with school, which starts in like literally, two weeks. I still have to apply for unemployment before I start school I believe, at least to get them to help with tuition and book costs. I suppose though, they could reimburse me.

I should take a break soon. I meant to take one now, but the calls are going good, and now I'm writing between calls, so, time is passing pretty well. If I start running out of things to say, or getting really hungry or something, or it starts getting late, then I'll take a break.

Am I sabotaging myself? Making sure I can't go to school or I fail at school? Why would I do such a thing? Hopefully, if I am trying to ruin myself, I will not succeed at it. Hopefully, I fail at ruining myself, because success would mean...

Ok, now I'm just being silly. Fooling around with words. Who likes puns? Who argues about semantics? Mememememememe!

Alright, well, it's getting close to 9, I imagine I'll be taking a break then. I don't know if I'll continue this post, as I'll likely be on a different thought train then. Might as well wrap this up, fairly concise. May random find you well.
\m/

I've been feeling pretty happy lately. Michelle and I had a bit of a rough patch, we talked it through though. It was a little scary, but we're like better than ever now. As long as I can keep for acting too retarded, we should stay that way.

It's not like we had a big fight or anything, just I had some stuff on my mind, foolish stuff mostly, and Michelle seemed to be quite distant. Really though, she was tired, and we were both sick, and not eating well, just a bunch of little stuff piling up. We told each other how we felt, that we were a little worried that we had offended each other in some way, and that we might each lose the other, so, being that we're both pretty paranoid, we tried to not say or do too much I guess. Less said, less chance something wrong is said. Makes sense, but that doesn't make it fun.

So we're back to being relaxed and joking with each other. It's nass to make her laugh a bunch, it makes me feel like, I don't know, useful or something? Productive? That sounds a little cold.

Hey look at me, I'm not a robot after all! And to think, I used to almost take pride in my lack of emotion. Now, I'm emoting like a madman, and I must say, even though at times it can be quite intense, it is a worthwhile experience. I say "I love you" ten times a day, I take her hand almost every time she is beside me, I ask for hugs and kisses and bum touches all the time too. I start to get a little whiny when I don't get them even. Also; not so dead inside. Almost always a good thing. ;)

Please note; by emoting, I do not mean to affiliate myself with the 'emo' movement, or whatever it is if it isn't a movement. A cultural phenomenon maybe? A trend? Anyway, no crying for me, just headaches and stomach maladies, and a particularly painful form of vasocongestion. Alright, so I'm ranting a bit now, but it's sort of enjoyable, so I'll just sort of keep writing, and see what comes up.

I've been almost goofy since we straightened things out, maybe even a little before then. Has it been since we got our pot? Maybe a little before that even. Was it getting paid that eased my mind? Hard to say. Anyway, I've been almost like a stoner stereotype or something, just grinning dumbly and laughing a lot and joking around. Mayhap, I've shifted my overall mood to the positive.

As I recall reading, we all are basically bipolar, it's just a matter of degrees. What I mean by overall mood-shift, is moving from the generally negative to generally positive mood. Just how positive or negative a mood you are in is what separates 'regular' people from those with a bipolar mood disorder, formerly known as manic depression.

So I guess, in somewhat more familiar terms, I may have shifted from a generally depressive to a generally manic state-of-mind. Manic as in mania, and maniacal. 8>

Fun fun!

Actually, more accurate for me would be a shift from generally being anxious, to generally being easily excited and distractable. Almost like a light stimulant high, or even a tiny bit of mdma. I feel all talkative and energetic. I lost track of my nail clipper at some point, usually I'm quite good at remembering where I put things and that sort of thing. Thing, thing thing...

Also, I've been parroting things, like that just now. I'll hear things and repeat them right back, sometimes without even noticing myself. I might be a bit annoying to be around as of late, but I back off when asked, at least for a minute or two. Then I forget what I was doing and my hands instinctively do what they do and touch whatever is around me, which may or may not be annoying, depending on one's tastes at any given moment.

I've got some things I should do after work. Go de-pawn my guitar, pick up m'lady's prescription, maybe do some groceries. We would both enjoy a new DVD box set I believe, perhaps we will look into that later. I wouldn't mind getting some beer as well. I am again, outer monologue, just thinking 'aloud'. Gee, all this blogging sure passes the time, almost 6, when I can take another break and be left with less than two hours when I come back. I like to try and end my shift with a period of less than two hours of work, so I wait as late as I can to take my break. Well, maybe not as late as I can, sometimes my shift ends early, and if I haven't taken my paid break by then, I won't get it. Bullshit anyway. Why can't I tack a break on the end if I am owed it based on the length of my shift? We even had an incentive where you could leave one shift a half hour early paid, basically what I would be doing if I tack a break on the end. But anyway, that doesn't really matter much.

Getting hungry now. Should I try and eat on my break? It's only 15 minutes, that doesn't give me much time. Especially if I want to make a coffee and smoke some yetis and use the bathroom. Maybe I'll just eat after work then. Off tomorrow, that will be nice. Working six in a row after that, so, better enjoy it.

I guess it'll be 6:15-6:30 for my break now. I'll have even less times when I come back now.

***
6:32, back from my break. I've got quite a list of 'Do Not Calls' to add to my timesheet, so I best get started on that. Thanks for your time, have a good one. May random find you well.
\m/

Throw a little more dirt on there...

So, I had this dream, where Michelle and I were making out in our bed, and I kept falling asleep on her. I woke up and apologized and tried to continue, but I kept falling asleep(in my dream this is). Seems fairly self-explanatory.

We went to Bathurst last weekend, it was a funner trip than when we went for the wedding this summer. We weren't so bored and broke and stranded...

What would it be like to be born on another planet, having never seen Earth? Would you dream of coming to Earth, to see the place where your species originated? Or would you take pride in your off-world ancestry? Would one born extraterrestrially find Earth too loud and busy, or even too full of life? Would all the plants and animals be overwhelming? I mean, if you were born on a desolate desert planet, where you can't walk outside without a totally secured environment-simulating suit complete with radiation shield and weighted boots, maybe shorts at the beach would just seem too weird for you. The ocean? Snow? Hail? Wind? A moon with phases?

What everyday things to us, might seem new, strange or exciting to those born and raised on another planet? Even a moon, or in another galaxy. Maybe the colour of our sun would seem amazing to someone born under a different 'sun'. I guess a different star would be more accurate.

"I was born, under a wanderin', wanderin' star"

Memories of childhood, my dad singing to me before bed. I still have yet to hear the original recording of that song. I don't even know who sings it. Perhaps, I will look that up now.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wand%27rin%27_Star

Lee Marvin was probably the first person to make the song a hit, it was featured in Paint Your Wagon, both the stage and cinematic versions. My dad does enjoy the old western movies, so, it seems likely that this is where he heard the song. I guess it was a number one hit in the UK, it even kept The Beatles' famous 'Let it Be' at number two. I have yet to listen to the song, as I am presently working, and the sound would be too distracting right now. I will hopefully remember to listen to it later on.

Almost time to take a break(10:57PM), I wonder if Michelle is still awake. I still feel kinda bad about earlier. It's an inarticulate bad feeling too. Sort of guilty I guess, but I think it's closer to dread. Foreboding? That's pretty close; "a sense of impending evil or misfortune". Maybe it's just a general feeling of anxiety. I can't quite put my finger on it.

I've been noticing that more lately, like I can't quite find the right word for things. Or is it that I'm never quite satisfied with my phrasing and descriptive abilities. Do I need to expand my vocabulary? I do enjoy learning words from other languages(and writing in italics, apparently). I find it interesting to note similarities and differences between languages. In fact, if I have the time, I'll probably take some linguistics courses and courses in other languages before I'm through. For my own amusement even. This may never happen, as I'd have to have quite a bit of financial independence and free time, which seems unlikely to occur, at least in the near future.

I got a stab of anger and some sort of pain, like humiliation or jealousy. My mind wanders over certain topics, and I feel sick, like helpless and miserable. Doomed? Damn, I'm hitting quite a few spots of the emotional spectrum that I'm not used to, spots I may not want to become familiar with.

Work is getting busy now, it's after midnight, the home stretch. Last hour of my shift. Now is when I fill out my timesheets and prepare my refusal trackers to be sent in at the end of the night. Nothing too fancy. I'm done pretty early, 12:10...

I spoke too soon apparently, I'm switching projects again, go back to my timesheet, back to my timegrid, that's about it though. Not a real time consuming switching, as long as I don't switch two more times before the end of my shift or anything crazy like that. I miss Michelle. She's like two rooms away, she can probably hear me typing this right now, but still, I want to be touching her. Enough of that stuff though, I could go on and on without saying anything really.

Ugh, ok, so at about 12:30, I had to modify again. Whoop-dee-doo, why am I sharing this? outer monologue. I talk like this too, all over the place, filling in too much detail, losing my train of thought. I try to at least keep things entertaining. 8)
Have a good one,
May random find you well,
\m/

I don't want to talk about it.

But I can't think about anything else right now.

I feel like crying, maybe I'll just go back to bed.

Stupid hemophiliac ego.

Nah, it's more like, damn runaway mind.

Had to use icing sugar for my coffee, no more of the regular kind. No cream, no milk, no whitener. That's ok though, I can drink coffee without whitening agents. The sugar's a little weird though. It seems like the icing sugar is less sweet by volume than standard granulated sugar. As well as I can discern anyway.

***

Time has passed.
I'm feeling a little better, not so shaky. A little edgy from coffee maybe, but better. I read some online, it's somewhat hard to find good advice online with regard to relationships. A lot of sites seem to cater to wannabe pickup artists rather than serious individuals in loving relationships. Perhaps that is my search criteria though.

I did find some useful information, but I suppose perspective is what I really gained. I worry too much about little things, like I'm programmed to worry, and if there is nothing real for me to worry about, I see connections that aren't there and find reasons to worry. I'm so neurotic.

I'm going to make some pork chops and mashed potatoes to bring to Michelle at work. I feel somewhat foolish for freaking out so much earlier. She sort of lied to me though. That bothered me, but I can see now why she did, and I feel bad for making a big deal out of it.

Part of me still wonders about things, but I don't want to pursue my curiosity too far. If something is wrong or not going to work, time will tell. Might as well enjoy the harmony while it lasts. Hopefully, it will continue to last. I don't want to sound negative about our relationship, it's good, great even. There's no indication that we're in trouble or anything. I just worry that she'll find someone better someday or something, or I'll slip into alcoholism again or drug abuse, and she won't want me anymore.

Done the potatoes, starting on the chops now. I hope she enjoys them. I hope I bread them well. We drove home yesterday with an old friend. Mutual friend even. I guess Michelle knew the fellow from high school days. She was there when he smoked pot for the first time. She certainly did not express any interest in that fellow. In fact, she expressed some distaste with regard to his attitude. I concurred.

She spent almost the whole trip listening to her ipod, not involved in the conversation. Sometimes, her silence makes me nervous, like she's thinking about things she would rather not speak of. Not speak with me anyway. I do tend to freak out often, so I can't say I blame her for not wanting to share everything with me. But I do wish she would try. I mean, I freak out, but it usually doesn't last long, and it isn't too crazy. Rather than bottling things up until they fester and eat you from the inside, finally bursting out in a terrible storm of emotion. I don't look forward to meeting up with "Hurricane Michelle".

***

Pork chops are sizzling away now, frying in the pan. Should flip them soon, and assemble a lunch for m'lady, and off to visit her. Hmmm, slightly burnt, these pork chops be. But the breading stuck to them at least, that's kind of the hard part to making these particular pork chops. Watching X-files, cooking, writing, smoking. Multi-tasking to say the least. Spoke to Michelle not long ago, she called to see if I was cooking yet.

Now the food is done, packaged up and ready to go. I am going to relax and smoke a cigarette, then call Michelle, and head out to visit her at her place of employment. Sorry if this is boring to read, not a whole lot going on. Perhaps later, while I work, I will discuss my trip to Bathurst for Thanksgiving or my school preparation issues. Maybe I should make a call about that now...

May random find you well,
\m/

Stream of thought

My head hurts.

I've been snotting for days and days.

Will this cold never end?

It probably is the swine flu.



Space. I don't know if I want space. Maybe I'm just being ridiculous.

But contact sure is nice.



It's true that I worry too much.



Damn internet, always showing me the worst case scenarios.



Ahh well, at least Trent Reznor knows what's going on.



Which is to say I'm in a Nine Inch Nails mood.

I feel sort of bad, because I need to provide some space.

The internet says that is a bad thing. I know myself I've been too, I don't know, accommodating?

But what do I do? Refuse a request from my lady love? Maybe if I just have a little more presence. I feel like I give up and give in to anything, never putting myself first. That can't be true though, alcohol has that reversing effect, where only I'm important or something. I don't know, I'm just rambling now.



I feel selfish for thinking but, sometimes I think I give more than I receive in the relationship.

I never figured myself for a good boyfriend, walking her to work and making her food and going to the store for her whenever she asks. But like, I guess I'm around too much, and I'm wearing thin probably. Even I get tired of myself, so I guess it's not entirely surprising.

***

The laptop overheated and shutdown mid-post earlier. No subtlety there. As if to say, "Quit your complaining!", the universe told me it had heard/seen/been enough by shutting my posting-power down. I guess doing a google search for "gf needs space" might not have been the best idea to inspire confidence in myself.

This cigarette tastes like getting new toys felt as a kid. The smell of the fresh plastic packaging and toys venting their dangerous chemical fumes, a memory brought back by inhaling an instantly active drug. A drug designed to stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain, made me remember the smell given off by new toys, coincidence? Is this smell added on purpose, to get kids to associate buying new things with experiencing pleasure? Not a terrible idea if your interests include ensuring the continuation of a commercial society.

Reading on websites like TFLN and FML, where ladies talk about their various triumphs and losses in the world of blow jobs, makes me wonder if my girlfriend has some kind of mental block with regard to fellatio. She seems so apprehensive, that I wonder if she isn't flat-out scared of blow jobs, or even penises altogether. Could she be a lesbian, and I'm just girly enough for her to enjoy sex with me? That's a somewhat frightening prospect. She has preformed them before, a few times. I believe with fellows she wasn't even going out with, which is kind of a slap in the face. It's like, "Oh, this guy who I just fooled around with for a few weeks, I put his cock in my mouth, but you, whose name I want to take, who's child I would not abort, I won't do that for you.". It just feels like she's holding back from me. I mean, she has never suggested anything that I didn't immediately try out. She hasn't suggested much though.

I feel bad again, for not being entirely satisfied with my current sexual situation. Like I'm being ungrateful, as this time last year, it was nothing but hand, and mine at that. I should be glad she lets me touch her at all. I do enjoy that very much. But it's like, if I ask her to rub my neck or scratch my back, she does it for 10 seconds then spaces out and continues what she was doing. We were having sex for the second time the other night, and I ran out of steam, and asked her to finish me off, and she told me "No, that would take too long", as though I hadn't used all my energy on her for longer than it would take for me to finish. That's confusing. To make it clear; I was tired because I pleasured her all through my refractory period(the time it takes to 'reload', as it were).

That ties into a previous thought of mine; perhaps I am too generous in bed with her. What I mean is, she ends up very satisfied and tired well before I do, so I often end up unsatisfied, as it's sad to satisfy myself at the point, and frankly, not that satisfying. So what am I to do then, withhold myself from her? Refuse to do things until she does the equivalent? That could leave me feeling even worse, sort of like now, where I feel like I can't touch her, and she can touch me, but usually does so only fleetingly.

I just spoke with her on my break. It made me a little sad to talk with her. We're going to Bathurst for Thanksgiving this weekend. We may have a good time, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Often, we end up stranded with nothing to smoke and nothing to do and no way to get anywhere. Also, she said see you tomorrow, like she assumes I'm not going to visit her later. Why wouldn't I, unless she doesn't want me to? Now I'm being paranoid(hopefully anyway). I did say something like "See you tomorrow" when she left for work. But I meant like, after midnight, because I work until at least 1am, not because I wouldn't see her until tomorrow morning when she gets off work. Actually, she said "See you in the morning", not "See you tomorrow", I think the distinction is important now.

I'm rambling again, but what else is new. I'm quite erratic lately, up one minute, down the next. I feel a little scattered, a little frustrated, a little exposed. Over tired maybe, makes sense I guess. I feel a bit like I'm at my wit's end. I feel guilty about writing this stuff, especially the intimate details of our sex life, but I don't really have another outlet. I could have written this on paper I suppose, but then the might find it, read it, and be offended or feel bad or something. She knows I have a blog, and I have sent her links before I think, but she doesn't check it. She gives me my space...

I've been updating this post now for almost four hours. I started it hours before that, until the computer overheated and 'passed out' on me. I've come full circle, the catharsis achieved. It is this space that allows me to vent and externalize and self-analyze. Is this the 'space' she wants? It seems so simple now, why did I freak out earlier? All she wanted was some time alone to organize her thoughts and such. She was probably too mentally congested to articulate that. Or I'm too inattentive to have understood before now. Either way, I feel a little better now. Damn google had led me to believe Michelle was essentially done with me and that she needed space to make an escape or something, not that I'm trying to 'trap' her or anything.

Well, this seems like a good place to stop posting, and go back to my regular internet browsing.
May random find you well.
-agent_of_truth
10:30PM

Back online, after two weeks bumming around. We moved in Wednesday night, and got our stuff here Thursday afternoon. We slept on an air mattress the first night at the new apartment, the same air mattress we had been using for a week. I must say, it is nice to not have to re-inflate my bed every few hours. You know, a cushion of air sounds like it'd be comfortable...

Start working again tomorrow, sort of looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to the money anyway. We've got a bigger place now than we had, for only 15$ more a month. We have to pay for our laundry though, but it's a pretty good trade off. We also don't have a washer and dryer clogging up the kitchen.

Our finances aren't great, but they're by no means dire. We aren't couch surfing anymore, so that's definitely a plus. Michelle gets paid again Thursday as well, so we should be alright.

I did a lot of the actual moving of stuff around for this relocation, but it's alright with me, as Michelle has a bad knee, she was dealing with a bad toe infection, and I didn't work for over a week. I'm just doing what I can I suppose.

Not too much to report right now. My brain is still sort of in autopilot mode, just making sure everything gets done as opposed to taking my time and enjoying the ride. Hopefully, I'll be more pensive in a few days.

May random find you well.
\m/

Ouch

I just got off the phone with the girlfriend.
She's at work, working nights.
We were talking a little bit sexually, being a little dirty and what not, and she asks me;

"Did I ever tell you Stephane(her ex) used to say his super hero name was Testiclees, and his power was that he could turn his right testicle into anything he wanted?"

I was like, damn, there goes my sexual arousal indicator. Why does she have to bring up old fuck-face when we're talking about us and our sexual activities? I was not too pleased, but I kept it to myself mostly. I did suggest at the end of the call that she read more about dirty-sexual things(as she had been in a Cosmo magazine) than about asshole-y ex boyfriends.

It makes me feel bad to hear her talk about her ex fondly. Like fuck, what, do you miss him? Do you remember how miserable he made you? How you tried to cheat on him with me, only I was too dumb to realize it?

And then there's that; she was willing to cheat on him with me. How do I know she won't be willing to cheat on me with someone she's working with now? What about when I go to school in the fall, or when I start working more. What if she gets lonely?

Would I forgive her if she did cheat on me? Would that be a mistake? Would it be like telling her it's ok, you don't need to be exclusive with me, so long as I get my turn too. That's not how I feel.

She's given me no reason to be suspicious really. I don't think I am suspicious either. It's just frustrating sometimes to hear talk about her previous relationships or her male friends. It's like, I come off as an asshole if I tell her that one of her friends is into her. She said her previous boyfriend had a problem with her hanging out with so many guys(like me), and that strained their relationship. But wasn't he right? I was one of the guys he didn't like her hanging out with.

And Michelle keeps insisting her friends are just that; friends. Nothing more. But like, doesn't she know what happens when people get drunk? You make bad decisions, forget important things(like your boyfriend perhaps?), and make mistakes. Is it wrong of me to not want her to get drunk with her guy friends?

For instance; there was this guy that would drive her around all the time. He even drove me with her when I came to visit before we started going out. The first time I came to visit, I got drunk, and asked the guy flat-out if he liked her. He told me that yes, he does like her. I asked if he had a problem with me, and he said no, as long as Michelle is happy.

Now, I pointed this out to her shortly thereafter. I did so in a way that would perhaps spare the fellow's feelings, by saying I suspect he has an interest in her. She brushed this off, saying no no, we're just friends, and that I was foolish to think otherwise.

A few months down the road, it had become glaringly obvious to everyone that this fellow had an interest in m'lady, to the point where he left town as he can no longer stand to see her with me. When all this came to light, she basically said that yes, she knew he liked her, but that she was sort of in denial. Like, she thought he would give up and become interested in another, or he would hit on her, and she would reject him, and that would be that.

But the key thing is, she knew he liked her, she continued to hang out with him, and what's more, she denied it when I asked her. What am I to think? Is this supposed to inspire confidence?

And we're heading to our home town this week, and she wants to hang out with him, and possibly get drunk. I am wary of this, as I was when she suggested we drink together long ago to avoid her parents. I don't want to get involved in a three-some, and then not be able to look Michelle in the eye anymore.

I don't know why I'm so jealous. I wish I wasn't. It just seems sometimes like she's not giving me the whole story, or she's not satisfied with me. Maybe I'm being unreasonable, I don't know. I just know how guys think, and I think she underestimates their/our horniness.

So, should I bring this up with her? Or just keep my mouth shut? I don't really know.

I feel like this is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and I just want to enjoy things while they last. May random find you well.
\m/

short update

Hotter inside the apartment than out today.
Probably because we used the oven to make mini pizzas.
Homemade though, out of buns and english muffins.
They turned out pretty good.
Made for a tasty after sex snack.

That was pretty good too.
It had been a few days, we were busy, then people were here.
My mom stayed over one night. Not too conducive to sexual activity.

Have a wedding to go to next week, or the bachelor/ette party then the wedding a few days later. We plan to do some camping while were in Bathurst, as we're taking a week or so off each.
Nice little vacation I imagine.

I wonder if synthetic chemicals in the environment might lead to super-bug or animals. For instance; suppose some animal is able to digest Teflon, and their body uses it in their joints to allow for low-friction joint use. Could the animal then run much faster than before? Or would its muscles not be able to handle the strain?

What if one's bones weren't made of calcium, but of titanium, or some weird mercury based compound, or gold? What about other, more complex possibilities, like synthetic hormones leading to giant animals, or hyper-aggressive animals, or even crazy psychic animals.

Yeah, I've been watching X-Files all day. But still, some sort of evolution could come from this big soup of pollution we've been making for years. How could it not?

Anyway, I'm off to brush my teeth. May random find you well.
\m/

Pervious Maximus

It's been a bit since a posted. The only time I felt like writing lately was when I was in a bad mood, and I figured, who wants to read my complainy-rants. Not me, that's for sure.

So I decided to wait until I was feeling more cheerful to write. I'm not exactly rosy, but I'll do alright I think.

I've been sort of over-horny or over-clingy lately, like I want to touch my girlfriend all the time, and I get discouraged when she rightly asks me to stop pawing at her for a few minutes. I don't know, it should be alright I guess. We're out of condoms, that's sort of a bummer. I mean, I certainly don't want to risk getting her pregnant, as we can hardly stay afloat now, let alone with another mouth to feed. There's more to it than the money though, of course.

But overall, we seem to be doing ok. We got our GST checks this week, that's a nice bonus. Helps carry over to the next payday. Michelle's making some dreadlocks right now for someone, a little more cash there too, that's nice. Should be all caught up bill-wise and good to go for the next while. So long as we don't get sick or hurt or anything. (*Knocks on wood*)

It will be nice to get the Wii back and play some of those wiiware and virtual console games. Not to mention Call of Duty or the new Ghostbusters game. We've been playing a lot of Scrabble lately, and a little Boggle and Yahtzee online, pretty fun stuff. Scrabble especially. We were playing online, but when we went to Bathurst last, we played it at my parents place a few times in the two days we were there, so they lent it to us. So, we've been playing with the old-school board and pieces lately. Pretty fun, and it feels like brain exercise. It is the crossword game, after all.

So hard to use the damn J tiles, but they're 8 points, so you have to try to make hood use of them! I'll get some more J words in my repertoire soon enough...

But besides that, trying to keep costs low, don't eat too extravagantly or smoke too quickly and such. Enjoying each other's company, catching up on our cartoons and other tv shows, taking walks, playing super nintendo, that sort of thing. Passing the time, staying out of trouble. Well, back to work for me. May random find you well.
\m/

It's always something

Well, things are pretty good in my opinion.
Money could be better, but it could always be better.
Health is pretty good.
I've got a broken tooth, but it doesn't hurt yet.
Mysterious chin/neck bump, but that hasn't gotten any worse in a long time, so no worries there. Ears are healing up alright. Nose has been a little troublesome, but probably just dry weather and seasonal allergies.

I had the year off last year allergy-wise. For the last ten years or so, I had been noticing a springtime flare-up of runny noses, itchy watery eyes, and sore throats and coughing. One time, I was driving, my eyes watered so bad, I had to pull over. So, generally, around this time of year, I would buy some sudafed or sinutab, or some other stimulant containing product to ease myself through this tough time. Last year however, I found this to be unnecessary.

Perhaps my use (at the time) of snort drugs(stimulants usually) had weakened my immune system, or given it a real threat to target, as opposed to pollen and dust. Was it my use of drugs, that lead to my easy-going allergy-season? Was it my easy season last year, that brought about this year's nose-assault?

My nose started to hurt, I figured because of the heaters and dryness. I blew a little bit of blood, usually in the morning, and once when I coughed really hard, my nose bled a little, but nothing serious. I used to get serious nose-bleeds when I was a kid, but that all stopped around the end of high school or so. Right around the time I started using nose-drugs? No, that couldn't be the case...

But anyway, my nose hurt quite a bit, and I was pretty crusted up in the mornings. But then, my nose started to run a lot, and I've been getting headaches, usually sinus oriented. So, basically, the allergies are back, and making up for lost time. My nose feels raw on the inside. Normally, the kleenex would have torn my nose up by now, but my girlfriend buys the good stuff with lotion in it. Just don't use it to wipe your eye.

But yeah, that's what I've got. My computer was down, I missed a few shifts. It was in a scary rebooting loop, it wouldn't even boot in safe mode. Anyway, we went to Bathurst for the weekend, and I got my recovery cds and XP, and I reinstalled, and presto, back in action. I didn't have to format or anything, but it was still a major hassle. I need this computer for work, and it was down for almost a week. Don't let friends check their email when they come over. Just don't.

M'lady is doing alright, a little upset with the parental units, but that's kinda the norm with them. They're not all bad or anything, I mean, they did raise my girlfriend, who I am quite fond of. But, they do seem to push her buttons sometimes. They seem to be somewhat neglectful since her sister had a child. Possibly even when she was just pregnant. But yeah, she's pretty stressed about family stuff, which makes sense.

But overall, I'm pretty happy. Stuff is going well, we often are made to wait for things, which can be hard, but it makes the things we waited for seem all that much better. I'm feeling more positive than I have for quite a while, it's definitely odd, for me anyway. I'm finding it easier to go without marijuana at times.

Well, I'm done work for the night now, and there's things that need to be done. May random find you well. K O R I T F W

I can barely keep my eyes open.
It's been a long week.
I don't even really want to get into the details.
Lots of hassles, lots of expenses, and lots of disappointment.

I'm supposed to make bacon pretty soon.
I still want to watch an episode of Fringe.
The new Final Fantasy tower defense game is pretty fun.
Crystal defenders.

Selling it in installments though.
But, the whole thing is supposed to be like three hundred levels.
And I think that there are only three parts to the game.

If each is about eight dollars, like the first, and the levels are evenly distributed between the games, then you get a fair amount of game at a hundred levels for eight bucks.

It's kind of like PixelJunk Monsters, but less real-time, and more freedom of placement. Also, there are more enemy types (I think anyway), and your 'towers' don't upgrade on their own, they have to be manually upgraded, which can be done between waves, or in real-time as the enemies attack.

It'll be nice to have our apartment to ourselves again, and not have any medical problems currently requiring treatment. It would be nice to be able to put in more hours at work to ease some of the financial strain.

I'm passing out in my chair. I need to make myself a coffee.

I played a little Call of Duty today too.
I hadn't had the Wii hooked up in a while.
It was fun.

I want to catch up on Fringe before I make that bacon.
Best of luck, may random find you well.
\m/

Having a few drinks tonight with the girlfriend.
Am I getting drunk too fast?
Will I be passing out on her?
Will she fall asleep sober before I even get into the swing?
I don't know, hopefully not.

We've been having some fun, she's on the TV now though, and I'm on the computer, don't have the attention span for TV. I'm skipping 5-minute songs before the end.

I got paid today, and basically I'm already broke. I have money, but it's for rent. It sucks, working what seems like a fair amount, putting in your time, trying hard, being a productive member of society, and not being able to afford shit.

Well, maybe I exaggerate. I did have enough to buy some booze, after all. Pretty much thanks to my girlfriend, who I referred to as my sugar-mama today. We laughed, but I mean, she makes more in a week than I make in two. She ends up paying for food and cigarettes and even alcohol and marijuana for me, and I feel bad about that. But, when I work, she gets disappointed if I want to work late, she often wants me to come visit her at work if we are both working. So, I'll finish at 11 rather than midnight or 1am or however late they end up dialing.

I shouldn't try to blame her, I could work more if I wanted to. I think I do though, so I may start.

I feel forgetful, like I had something to say but now I've forgotten what it was. I hope it wasn't anything too important. I'm distracted already, I'm done with this post. Have a good weekend folks, keep on rockin' in the free world. \m/

Quick Update

For someone with mono, I'm feeling pretty good.
I'm done my course of antibiotics.
Now I'm only taking NSAIDs and vitamins.
NSAIDs to keep my tonsil swelling down.
Hurts quite a bit if I don't.

I may have to deal with some rebound headaches for a bit.
But that's ok, I like eating now.

I'm not sleeping like an excessive amount.
I didn't soak the bed in sweat last night either.
That was nice.

I have been drinking a lot of fluids, and still feeling dehydrated.
Yellow pee and such.
I worried briefly about jaundice, but I think my liver is going to be ok.
The spleen enlargement worries me a bit.
Michelle punched me in the stomach a bit, just playfully, but if I hadn't been ready, I dunno, might have hurt. At least I know to watch for that, so if anything happened, I'd be on my way to the hospital lickity-split.

But like I said, I'm feeling pretty good.
Ate lots today, I like that.
Got to smoke some real marijuana!

Let me explain.
We bought some hash recently. We were told it was good hash, but right hard. We thought, hey, sounds good. Usually bunk hash is pretty soft and sort of smells like play dough. Well, this hash, doesn't get soft. It like snaps apart. Very brittle.

After much effort, we were able to isolate some BT sized chunks, and set about racking some bottle tokes. The taste was alright when smoked this way(better than by pipe), but we found the smoke behaved differently than usual. It seemed to stick to the bottle rather than slide down to the bottom of the bottle.

After a few sessions, a transparent liquid had accumulated at the top of the bottle. It looked almost like honey oil, so we scraped some out, and lit it up, to see how it smelled. It bubbled like oil would, so we figured maybe it's good, but it hardly smelled. I inhaled some of the smoke, and found it to be quite sweet. M'lady remarked that she could smell it as well. The mystery was solved, the hash had been cut with sugar, or some kind of sweetener.

Although, now that I think about it, some chemicals have a sweet smell, if I'm not mistaken. Perhaps I should investigate further before smoking anymore of said hash.

But, I have a little marijuana remaining to smoke in the yeti format. Which I will now proceed to do before going to sleep. Have a good one. See you in the future.

stream of thought

Well, it looks like my ear is clearing up nicely. No more hole big enough to smuggle something in. It's still a little pale and weird looking, but definitely on the mend.

Now, a few days ago, I noticed my tonsils were quite swollen. I thought that I had tonsillitis, as I had had tonsillitis before, and it looks the same as what was going on in my throat. I thought it was weird though, that I would develop an infection while already on antibiotics. But then, I figured, maybe they weren't strong enough, or maybe the drainage from my ear moved to my throat or something. Whatever it was, I knew I had to bring it up at my follow up appointment.

As it turns out, my amateur medical opinion was wrong. The Doc, after several hours in a waiting room, took a look at my throat, and said it looks more like mono or strep throat, and he took a throat swab and some blood tests to confirm. He told me they would call me later that night if there was anything to be concerned with. I asked the hematologist how long the tests take. She told me a half hour to fourty-five minutes. So, when I left the hospital at 9:30pm, I figured, if I don't get a call by midnight(the time the doctor that had seen me was off), then I must be good to go.

No call came, so I figured, I guess the Keflex will take care of it as well.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. The next morning, the doctor called to inform me that I was positive for mono. He told me to expect to be sick for about two weeks, and to avoid contact sports for another 8, as the spleen is often enlarged, and at risk of rupturing for about that long.

My girlfriend is sort of avoiding me a bit, to try and not catch the mono. But I mean, I don't hardly know anyone here, and the only people I've shared smokes and drinks with as of late are her and her friends. So, I'm pretty sure she's got it too. I mean, I don't hope that she gets sick, but I miss making out with her already.

It's been a pretty busy and stressful week all-in-all. We had to scramble to get money for rent, I actually pawned my Wii for a day. That was scary. It was almost my guitar. We still ended up short, but we were able to borrow some money to cover us, until payday, which was the next day.

The girlfriend's parents also came down for a visit. That was kind of nice, as they were able to drive us around, and took us out to lunch, but it was quite stressful for her as well. Mayhap her emotions were a tad exaggerated, but that happens when you're stressed and broke and hungry.

So, what now? We're working lots to try and get all caught up, so that we don't have stressful weeks like this past one. At least, that's what I figure. It's not something we have discussed directly. But nobody likes to worry about money.

Well, I'm going to focus on the task at hand, which is work. May random find you well.
-Marc

Don't think about necrotizing fasciitis

Oh my god.
So, I'm off the IV anti-biotics, woohoo!
I don't have to go back to the hospital until thursday to make sure the oral antibiotics are doing their thing. Gave me some gauze and tape and stuff, told me to keep it clean.
Well, I haven't really gotten a look at my ear since it was all swollen. Well, it's basically back to normal size, but it certainly isn't normal.

My ear is all scabby and crusty, and there's this open wound in the back. Like I can see inside my ear lobe. It's fucking disgusting, and what's worse, it doesn't hurt. That freaks me out. Nerve damage? Is there more to come? Is this a travelling infection? Are the antibiotics doing anything, or is it just the major drainage I'm getting at the hospital that's making it feel better?

My dad had MRSA last year, and they are giving me the M that the SA is Resistant to, so, if my infection is methicillin resistant, than this round of treatment won't do much. Not until they break out that vancomycin would I get better. And from what I hear, that can be a pain in itself.

I don't want to get to know the hospital staff because I'm there so often, I want to get my ear cleaned up, so I can walk around without a big gauze ear-cone on. I want to use the phone with my right ear. I want to sleep on my right side without worrying about fucking up my ear or juicing up the pillow.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, NO MORE IV! Woo hoo! I had my first shower in days, and man, it was pretty good, except for the big hole in my ear. I didn't really want to shampoo on account of that. Still, nice to be cleanish.

And I got to Tim Horton's twice today, that was nice. I've hardly had any coffee since moving in with the lady. She doesn't normally keep instant on hand, and we have no wheels of our own for Tim's runs. I guess it makes the coffee I do drink all the more enjoyable.

**An hour or so later**

I have returned to the keyboard. I spoke with my girlfriend, she is anxious to check out my ear, despite my warnings against it. I was right hungry until I checked out my ear. Totally lost my appetite.

I don't think it's flesh-eating or MRSA necessarily, I mean, it does seem to be responding to treatment. I wonder still, if this is headset related. I've been wearing headsets for my various call centre jobs for years. Usually for around 7 hours a day, sometimes 6 days a week. That much time with a headset on can't be good for one's ears. But then again, maybe they did studies that show you can wear headsets for 25 years without any permanent damage done. I haven't done the research to know.

Whatever it is, I'll keep an eye on it, follow the doctor's instructions, and go back to the ER if it gets worse.

Hey, I just realized; I'm totally not thinking about my finances. I was pretty worried about that, but it certainly has taken a back seat, now that I've had a look at my ear. Also; I think we worked some things out, so we should be pretty good to go, if all goes well.

Doing the dishes now. Sort of soothing. I'm all focused on what I'm doing, clean this knife, dry this bowl, it's freeing in a way. Almost like meditation. I will look for this peace of mind whenever I do the dishes. Any repetitive task I guess. I wonder; could I go into a trance for work, and sort of, float through the shift, almost like sleeping? Would I want to if I could? Am i already doing that now?

I hear people outside my window. It is 1:30 on a Saturday night, it's not entirely surprising. There is a university within walking distance, and you know those students and their dangerous fun. I'm already pretty edgy from the whole ear thing...

They seem to have quieted down or moved along. Either works for me. Not in the mood to make friends.

There's things to be done here before I head to bed.
Clean-ups, and calls to make, and such.
May random find you well.
\m/

Earection, Eargina, Earouch

"Please dismantle,
all these phantom limbs.
It's the evidence,
of humans as ornaments humans as ornaments...."
-The Mars Volta

So today I went to the ER in my new city of residence for the first time. It wasn't too bad, waited about 2 hours or so before I got in to see a doctor, another hour after that and I was on my way.
The triage nurse had said, "You should see a doctor". I was a little confused, I mean, I was at the emergency room after all, didn't I already know this? Like, was there a chance I might not see a doctor still? I asked how long it would be, and she told me, "I don't know, but you should wait, because that's not going to go away on it's own". So, yeah, obviously I stuck around.

They took a look, and then moved me to a room with an adjustable table in it. They got me to lie on my side and inject my ear a few times with some anesthetic. It was weird, it felt like they had just poked my abscess, so it would leak, and then left for a while. I guess the anesthetic felt like a liquid moving down my neck. I didn't realize until I woke up not long ago that where my neck had been tense for days, was all numb. I was too focused on the ear job to notice at the time. Hopefully, they'll gimme another shot tomorrow.

So they cleaned out my ear, packed it with some mesh, a procedure I was familiar with, as members of my family have had abscesses in the past. They gave me two pills, and got me to wait a while for them to kick in before they hooked me up to IV antibiotics. The pills boost the serum level of penicillin-class drugs and slows their breakdown. Pretty much only used for bad infections.

When I woke up this morning, or I guess yesterday morning now, I had a sort of burning sensation in my ear, and there was a discolouration near the edge. I wondered what it was that causes cauliflower ear, and how did Van Gogh make out anyway? Then I sort of realized, if I don't get this looked at soon, I could be dealing with a permanent disfigurement, or worse, hearing loss.

Why do I hate the hospital so? When they said I'd need IV antibiotics for three days, at first I thought they meant I'd need to be admitted, and I was not pleased. Just yesterday, I received a verbal warning at work about my missing shifts as of late. I call in and such, and it's been because I was unable to work because I was stranded out of town, or I was too sick to work. In fairness though, I did end up stranded out of town quite a bit. But, as I told work, that shouldn't happen anymore, no travel plans in the near future.

But, I guess I'm feeling better now. My ear has been looked at, and I've got a way in tomorrow and the next day quickly, so they should have me fixed up pretty soon.

Well, I'm making some food now, and reading wikipedia while it cooks, so this is pretty much it.
Sorry for the grossness of the content, but hey, that was my day. Have a good one, may random find you well.
\m/

So I'm working my first shift at my new location.
All moved in and such.
Pretty dang good so far.

I kind of freaked out a bit the first day I came, I'm not sure if it was because I was so tired, or because I'm sick a bit, because I was all dehydrated or malnourished or what.

I had been pretty feverish for a few days, and a little vomitous too, so I hadn't been eating much. I had been coughing a lot too, which was making it hard to get much sleep. On top of all that, the night before I left, my right ear swelled up like a cartoon. It was giving me quite a headache, and I'd already been taking quite a bit of tylenol for my fever. Still is giving me a headache actually.

But yeah, I got really nervous when I came out of the grocery store and I couldn't find my girlfriend and our friend that had driven us there. I got angry because I was made to wait basically, which was ridiculous, but only in retrospect unfortunately. I guess I was also mad that I was freaking out and they were calm and laughing. This again, was ridiculous, but only now as I look back.

But besides that one incident, things have been pretty excellent. We're hanging out lots, eating well, talking all the time, getting along great. We're kinda making loose plans about the apartment and such, good fun. I was still pretty sick yesterday, I slept quite a bit, wasn't interested in heading outside much. Today, I was feeling a lot better. We walked out to get some groceries earlier. Condoms too. Better safe than sorry, so they says.

Ok, so I just broke a tooth eating a Nerds Rope candy. Probably a filling to be more accurate. Now, this was right below where I recently had three fillings, so it could be that one was too large, and wore on the tooth below it. That making the nerds just the back-breaking straw of the situation. My health has not been the best as of late admittedly. I could probably stand to drink more milk, among other things.

I sort of lost my train of thought, I'm all concerned with this tooth now. It's sharp, probably going to cut my tongue. When will I make it to the dentist I wonder. Ahh well, I'm done work now, I should go consult with the lady. May random find you well.