a good night

So I woke up tired, that's always fun. The coffee barely did a thing.
I really only woke up after work was done.
In time to go to the liquor store, go for a coffee, and go listen to some CBC radio.
For you non-Canadians who made their way here, CBC is sort've like BBC, but Canadian, instead of British. It's radio with no commercials, lots of talk, audience call-ins, live interviews, news, political in-depth coverage, As It Happens with Barbara Budd and Carol Off is probably my favourite. I do like quirks and quarks, ideas, white coat black art, L.O.L., DNTO, Vinyl Tap(Oh man! If Randy read this, I'd be so pumped!), and even Q, though not always.

I sometimes would like to work at CBC radio, as I really enjoy the programming, and it's a government owned company(crown corporation we calls 'em), so, it shouldn't have too many shady practices. I always hated working for companies that asked me to do unethical things. Ugh, one time, when I was working at a restaurant, it is a large chain, I won't say it's name out of courtesy(and for fear of corporate MIB lawyers coming to do 'whatever it takes' to keep me quiet), but basically, they had anticipated a Mother's Day rush, which for some reason didn't happen. So, the excess stock we had in anticipation of this holiday, which normally lasts only about 2 days after marinating, was in the fridge for three, then four, five days, at least. When I walked into the walk-in cooler, and it smelled like bad meat, I told my manager, not the supervisor, the manager, that I was concerned for the safety of our customers. I was told to cook the meat using the first in first out rule, regardless of 'expiration dates'. I told the staff to not eat anything from the meat in question on their breaks(back then, we could eat for free at work, imagine, a restaurant employee not having to bring a lunch, what if all businesses... post for another day).

Now, the reason I put up with this bullshit among other thing I won't bother to mention, was because this was my first job, and I was afraid to be fired, and didn't know my rights. Now, I have since learned I have the right to refuse unsafe or unlawful work, and that there are plenty of people looking to hire someone with my particular skill set. Or at least, people easily fooled into thinking that I am the type of person they are looking for. Though, I prefer not to be deceptive, especially with regard to employment. It tends to come back to you. I did once leave a job before I was even done the training, they paid me in cash, but in all fairness, I had planned to work as I had agreed, but my health took a turn for the worse, and I was forced to relocate to benefit from health insurance(Crohn's initial diagnosis followed).

Now, I am not certain that CBC is run entirely ethically, in fact, I'd be quite surprised if anything was. But I'd still like to be a part of that environment, even if only as an 'idea man' in the background. I guess I'll start sending in my thoughts and perhaps calling in from time to time. What's the worst that could happen? Black helicopters descend on my house and abduct me in that night, taking me to some secret government installation, interrogating me about my paranoid rants, leaving me drugged in some ditch, unaware I have numerous drug tolerances, and that their amnesiacs will not work at the standard dosage? Ok, that sounds pretty awesome.

And that's the worst case scenario? Well, ok, they could just shoot me dead. But I mean, that too leads to the great mystery of beyond-life. Am I an optimist when I'm drunk or something? Maybe it's the sweet sweet ser... ax-ualy, never mind.

Now, down to business, what I REALLY had on my mind tonight.

Mankind; what's our destiny?
We seem to think we doomed ourselves with pollution, but to me, that seems unlikely.
I've heard that even Pluto is warming up, it's a solar system wide phenomenon, not just Earth, and thus, likely not man made. If this is the case, is this not perhaps an incitation of evolution? I will elaborate momentarily. Even if it is entirely man made, could it not serve the same function as a natural cataclysm? Are we in any way separate from the natural order? Are our thought processes an evolution of instincts? Basically hard-wired response built upon our experiences? Or something more; free will.

Either way, what does our future hold? Can we colonize space? Can we save the Earth before we render it too toxic to support life? Can we use technology to clean up our messes? Will we eventually roam the universe at will, potentially spending every moment of our lives in a completely new experience? Will we someday conquer death? What does the future hold? Will we evolve to exist within a higher-dimensional reality once we have mastered this one? What would new dimensions be like? If time is our fourth dimension, what could the fifth be like?

People(Pinchbeck) talk about the possibility of a hive-mind around winter solstice 2012, but it's really hard to imagine how that would be implemented. Then again, I can remember in my youth, being unable to 'read the signals' sent by a lady friend until well after the fact. If we had been of one mind(which we basically were anyway), the coded speaking would not have been necessary, and we could have ...

She specifically used the words 'summer-fling', that put me off. Maybe it had nothing to do with miscommunication. Then again, maybe she said what she thought I wanted to hear. Hive-mind might clear up some of that type of confusion.

I heard something on the radio today about people in an anti-war group that ended up on a terrorist watch list. They were all in a huff complaining their privacy had been violated by the (US) government spying on them . My beef with that is, in this day and age, with cameras at every store, every atm, even some highway mile posts, not to mention the stuff we don't know about. You can see cars with google earth, just imagine how good the resolution really is. I guess, to expect privacy, in my opinion, is unreasonable. Now, I break the law, even write about it here, but I do it in ways that don't hurt anyone. I stay home, I eat, which is sometimes hard to do with my Crohn's, I laugh more than I might sober. I do cough and spit more than I'd like, but it's much better than wasting away and wiping blood.

Sorry for the graphic image just now, but it illustrates my point. Still, sorry again, I hope no one was eating as they read it.

Kief is delicious. I don't see the need to press it. It's great as is.

I just accidentally talked to my parents for a few minutes, about a friend of mine with a kid, and I'm like, what the fuck was that about? I forget now how it came up, but I assume I brought it up out of nowhere, or basically made a long reaching connection to discuss it. I feel bad now, for my friend, separated from his child by a woman he doesn't love(I presume). I have friends that have been raised with only one parent. Actually, they turned out probably the best, they both have houses and usually good jobs and steady girlfriends. Maybe it's for the better.

But the thing I mentioned was, that one time, while a few of us that are really close we're on a good bender, like day 2, a few hours before the end basically, he talked about his kid. He may have had tears in his eyes, and he told us, me and the other of our main trio(there were others there, but less important), that he wanted us to meet his kid someday. We had been up for at least 30 hours, smoking weed, cocaine too probably, doing lines of blow, eating speed too as I recall, smoking something we were told was opium, but it was green, so god knows what it was. I woke up later that night. All I could see was stars, and I though I was outside. I tried to get up, but found the ground much more flexible than I expected. I realized then, that I was on a bed, in a completely dark room, staring out a large window with no curtains.

I was alarmed somewhat, as last I remembered, we were smoking that opium stuff and chilling out for a bit, somewhere around three pm I believed. It was now almost ten pm, and I couldn't remember when I had gone to bed. I made my way down the hall, and entered the well lit kitchen. I looked around; half full drinks, partially smoked joints and line residue littered the area. I began cleaning up with the drinks, trying to hold my impending hangover at bay. I gathered the empties(after emptying them) and discarded the major garbage, and already the place was looking better. I decided to wander back to the room I had woken up in.

This was the home of a semi-professional athlete. His family was gone, but it was his room I had passed out in. I did a quick search in hope of finding some Dexedrine or Ritalin. What I found however, was a large bottle of seemingly illicitly pressed pills, stashed in a cabinet. I proceeded to take one, expecting some mild stimulation. Judging by the amount he had, he must take more than one at a time generally, I thought, surely one won't do too much.

After my friend, the only other person there, and the only one who really knew the owners of the house, woke up, we cleaned pretty quickly. After we had finished gathering the empties and drinking the half fulls, I began to feel my heart beat quite hard. I realized that this was not a regular upper, but a steroid of some kind(well, I deduced I guess, who know what it was really). After making sure my friend was ok to restore the house and leaving him a little pot, I proceeded to walk about 11km home in the middle of the night.

I went most of the night at a jog almost, it was incredible. Not pleasant though, like speed or ecstasy, just pure energy, do with it what you will. Like, so much energy, if you tried to stay still, you'd probably twitch or have a seizure or something. I should have grabbed a few more for the road, being that he had a good 100 to 200 of these pills. I wonder even now, how much of this substance did he take? Did his balls shrink to like impotency? Poor fucker, he never made it pro as far as I know.

***

I insufflated half a pill. I know, binders and fillers. And benzos aren't hardly water soluble. But it works somewhat, and much quicker than ingestion. Sometimes though, insufflation seems to increase the likelihood of a blackout.

I've also smoked magic mushrooms and perceived effects, but that's a story for another day as well.

I wonder if I should see about getting a prescription for an anti-anxiety med for myself. They do seem to work wonders for me, though I have been known to abuse them. Perhaps it is best if I just use them as they become available, and not actively seek them out.

It had been a while since I had snorted anything. My nose was feeling pretty good actually But, I don't think that a half a 30mg oxazepam is going to greatly irritate my sinuses. Especially because it's a 'repeat offender'.

I'm sorry, I seem to have turned away from thoughts of possible futures to current intoxication. Perhaps it would be best if I ended the post now. Good luck to you all, may random find you well, and I'll see you in the future!
-Marc