stream of thought, change of pace,

It's five o'clock somewhere.
How early is too early to start drinking?
I mean in the day, not in life.

It's like everywhere I look there's a sad problem waiting to be fixed. But they don't want to be fixed, just acknowledged. I'm tired of acknowledging. I just want to relax. Is that so much to ask?

I can't even sit and read, I'm too distracted. But is that my fault? Probably, because even if it isn't my fault, it's my fault for sticking around. But should I just up and leave? I don't have money for first and last month's rent, plus damage deposit, plus a deposit on cable, I shouldn't need one for electricity. I'd need a bunch of start up cash.

Also, once I was out again, I'd have to work a lot more. Paying the bills solo, just internet, cable, electricity and food would be enough to cause financial trouble, let alone rent. Still, I could play whatever music I want whenever I want as loud as I want(neighbour permitting). I could drink without being constantly guilted about it. I can already smoke marijuana unrestricted. I could buy only foods I enjoy. That's always fun; when everything in the kitchen is something you know you like.

I miss my deep-fryer. Frying up potatoes almost daily, with various side meats, always tasty.

I'm going to make some green dragon soon, as this requires little to no kitchen use. But, If I had my own place again, I could do many more elaborate procedures. Isolating compounds, combining compounds, synthesizing compounds. Even just growing a few poppies. In time, I'd like to try my hand at brewing and distilling, but the equipment required is typically delicate and expensive. Marijuana is hops' cousin though, so you know we have to try cannabeer.

So, in staying where I am, I limit my options to those that are generally regarded as safe. If I moved out and got my hands dirty, I'd be risking not only potentially deadly toxin exposure, but some serious jail time if my activities attracted any attention. Well, then again, I'd most likely be using RCs, technically not illegal, although I would be using them in ways other than directed. But home distilling and opium production, even if just for personal use, is frowned upon.

I think maybe I've been over-reactive lately. Like any minor set back seems like a major inconvenience. Everything is a personal attack on me as well. Delusions of reference I guess. I think now, that I'm going to be able to keep it together. In the not too distant future, I can see better times. Less pressing stress anyway, and that alone will be a load off my mind. It's not all dependent on me though, so I've got to keep my fingers crossed for the next week or so. After that, I should be in the clear for a bit. Or maybe the calm before the storm. Whichever it is, should be a nice change of pace.