well done

no words to say
no thoughts to share
no dreams to explore
no secrets to keep

the shattered memory of a life
fades further every day
the payday feeling of it all working out
replaced by constant fear and doubt

sobriety in moderation
an exercise in deprivation
can't say no to the temptation
fueling all my contemplation

sleep is cheap,
and i wonder,
what's it take to stay awake

to watch the sunrise
to talk without telling lies
to soften up these jagged eyes
to kill in me what i despise

i swallow my fear
i bury my pride
i lock the door
i run and hide

i lied i lied
a part of me died
but a part of me lives
the part that never forgives

so i harden and shrivel
and i churn out this drivel
drown the voice in my head
that screams "you're already dead"

i know i don't know
but how can I know that?
i guess i don't
so i might know...
thought knot,
well done