Sick Day

Called in sick. It's good when the almost don't recognize your voice when you call. Quite congested. I'm supposed to take the train tomorrow morning. Feeling ill though, is it a good idea? I'd still like to go, but I could be contagious. Hopefully, it will pass quickly. I'm supposed to call her later, see what she thinks I guess. My shift for Friday was cancelled, today even, plenty of notice. I can stay until Sunday without missing any work.

My friend stopped by. We watched some Pure Pwnage. Good show. Another Canadian Internet comedy hit. He's supposed to head that way in the near future. I could probably catch a ride down with him. Especially if he heads down on Thursday, which would give me another day to lay around and try to get better. I'd probably want to be down there with my lady friend, but it might be the smart move to wait a day.



Doesn't maximize my time with her, but I don't know, I feel like my judgement is compromised somehow. Like I'm missing something. I'm so focused on getting to Moncton, I haven't thought of what comes next. New year and all, maybe I should give that some thought.



Still though, is it my health? Am I not seeing a decline in my health? Things sort of seem too good, knock on wood, to last. Maybe that's it, and I'm looking for what's going to go wrong next. They say you often find what you're looking for, so perhaps I should be looking for a positive outcome. Sounds like 'magical thinking', not really a safe way to exist, in my opinion. Too many dangerous possibilities.

It's almost midnight now, started this post early this morning, added to it later, and am finishing it up now. I arranged a drive down with my friend for tomorrow. I have the option of going to see a concert tomorrow night while my lady-friend/hostess is at work. 7-7, kinda shitty, but then she's off for four days or so. I am definitely nervous about the trip. I've never spent the weekend with a girl like this. Although, the last time we hung out, I stayed with her two nights in a row.

It's back to the good nervousness. The "I'm going, let's see what happens!" instead of the "Will I go? What's going to happen? Am I making a mistake?" variety. I'm pretty up-and-down lately. It could be the sickness. Could be, but I doubt it.

I had an idea today, about a story where the penguin population has exploded due to global warming. This leads to a threatening amount of penguins, and the toppling of human civilization. Perhaps known amongst the survivors as 'the great penguin war' or 'great penguin defeat'. I imagine it looking somewhat similar to the simpsons episode where dolphins rise up and drive human kind into the ocean. Maybe someday, I'll flesh out the details.

Happy New Year cosmos. May random find you well.

-M

Uppy-dup-date

Last night, I drank myself sick. The bathroom was full, so I had to throw-up in the kitchen sink. It was unpleasant, thick, probably from cake. I rinsed it down the sink, smoked a few yetis, and headed to bed.

I woke up early, as is customary with alcohol induced sleep. I didn't feel bad, but I had a weird dream. I was working back at the hotel where I was the night auditor. Only the inside was all different. The lobby looked like a restaurant two buildings up. The person working behind the counter was someone that never worked there, but that I had seen in passing at the bars over the holidays. We didn't speak though, not recently.

But in the dream, she was quite busy, glad to see me coming, as it meant she could soon leave. I looked around the busy lobby, people moving about, getting there breakfast, reading the paper, music coming from somewhere, a radio perhaps? I made myself a coffee I think, but the noise seemed to blend into a cacophonous hum. I walked out. If the person behind the counter said anything to me, I didn't here it.

This was immediately followed by a dream where I was at home, and was basically tricked into a home invasion. People asking for directions, making me clarify while someone sneaks around back. I got involved with a fictional woman in this dream, right around the time I realized I had let some undesirables into my home. It was like a double whammy of fan-hitting shit. I woke up covered in sweat. My heart was pounding. I was quickly relieved to find it had been a dream. I felt guilty for getting involved with this fictional woman, even in the dream, despite the fact the lady-friend and I have not discussed exclusivity.

This seemed to me to be a head's up. Like I was letting myself know; don't get too fucked up or do something stupid, this chick seems to like you, and you seem to like her. I am going to visit her for New Year's, actually I'm staying for a few days. If by the end of my visit, she hasn't gotten tired of me, nor I of her, I'll probably suggest we change our facebook relationship statuses. Fuck that sounds lame. I think she'll like it though.

Girls seem to like lameness in a normally cool guy. Modesty is not required either. Fuck eh, what a difference though. Two weeks ago I was hating myself just hoping for a change, now, I've got something to be doing. Something I want to be doing.

My job is pissing me off. I've been there for over a year now, with no raise. I mean, I got my probation period ending raise, but not the time-spent-with-the-company raise. When I was hired, I was told we could make our own hours, as long as we made ourselves available for 15 dialing hours a week. So I worked days, everyday of the week. Weekends off. Now, I'm going to be required to work shifts at least 5 hours in length, which requires me to take an unpaid lunch, starting at 6pm, 3 nights a week, plus one weekend shift. Quite different from my usual 11-3.

I realize I was working a small amount, probably not enough really, but it made the work tolerable. Now, I'm afraid I'm going to have to look for work elsewhere. I hope I find something good. Fucking call centres, though. They hide the unemployment rate. People work there, technically employed, but not making enough money to get by usually. Certainly not enough to make a career of it. It's much better than fast food in some ways. Like, you don't come home all greasy. But, it's hard on the head. Cooking the chicken at KFC doesn't require a whole of mental strain. Then again, I seem to recall being troubled by somethings there.

It must be my inquisitive nature.

pressure release

Imagine an older version of yourself came from the future. Came back through time, to keep you from ending up as he did. He provides his lifetime of experience and knowledge at no cost to you, so that you might avoid the problems the future you faced. You might benefit from his experience, knowing beforehand about key events in history, and how to benefit from them. Suppose he was stuck in the past. He had nothing to do, but to hang out with you, making sure you got the point.

He'd drill you again and again, thinking he's doing you a great service. He'd train you to face the challenges that he knew lie ahead. You should be the best you that you could be. You'd know all the bad things you did, the regrettable things, and how to avoid them.

But the truth is this; once you made a single choice differently from the future you, perhaps even at the appearance of the future you, the knowledge the future you had is no longer valid. While major information may still be pertinent, the details of your life would inevitably be different, from the moment of intervention. The future you could offer only basic advice on how to conduct yourself. Any specific details, about people and situations you're yet to encounter, would be based upon your conduct and behaviour. Knowing, or at least having an idea about the future, would undoubtedly change your behaviour.

So, looking into the future, any real distance, is probably pointless.

***

(11:11pm)So my brother just informed me that word on the street is I'm gay. I show up at a bar with a lady, spend time with her, and people say I'm gay. When I was alone for a long time, no one said shit. Weird. I laughed though, I know what I like.

***

You could encode your predictions. Like old Nostradamus. Not the same though. Unless he too was visited by a future version of himself. One that spoke in code.

Fuck that; his predictions are so vague, you can apply them too easily to current events.

Basically what I'm saying is this; trying to predict the future, beyond a certain distance(say three days) is almost pointless.

I know, you could say 'Microsoft' to someone that could invest in it when it was cheap if you could travel through time, but would that really change your life? Time travel is so full of paradoxes, it's hardly worth exploring.



I'm fairly inebriated now. Courtesy of Tennessee. The sugar maple charcoal filtration process has me sold. I feel pretty confident now, but I wonder if I'll feel bad tomorrow. Fuck, those that are talking shit about me are certainly not close friends. What do I care what they think?

It's now 11:41pm and I'm feeling a little anxious. Everyone is still awake, and I am getting rapidly drunker. I don't want to rant at my family members, so I hope they go to bed soon. I probably work tomorrow(don't know for sure until tomorrow), so I should go to bed reasonably soon. But, as I once read, if one sleeps because of an alcohol buzz, when the buzz wears off, one wakes up. I have found this to be true in my own experience. And being that I don't want to wake up at 7 or earlier, and then try and sleep until work, I will try to stay up for a while longer.

11:46 now, I'm nodding off at the computer. The last drink I mixed must have been pretty strong. I did notice the pint was rather low that last drink I mixed, so, it isn't entirely surprising that I should feel drunk.

I best wrap this up now, as I'm more concerned with my buzz than my happenings. Have a good one, may random find you well.
\m/