Working on a Sunday. Just dropped off the lady-friend before work. She's up for the weekend, but she'll be gone before I'm done my shift.
I asked her out the other night and she right said no quickly. I was surprised, I figured she would be all for it. But I guess I was drunk, so maybe she figured I was only asking because I was drunk.
Maybe too, she wants to keep her options open. But I did ask if she was pursuing any other guys when she turned me down and she said that she wasn't(to which I replied, so, what's the problem?). Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself though.
She didn't want me to meet her dad. I wasn't too concerned at first, but after I thought about it, I wondered if she figures I won't be around long enough to bother introducing me or something. Paranoia, it'll destroya.
I certainly didn't get much sleep this weekend, that's probably contributing to my weirdness. It's like I babble, I talk about whatever I see or is going through my mind briefly. Anything but what I really wanted to talk about, which is what is going on between me and this lady-friend.
This is something I didn't expect; I feel all hung-up on her. I want to be around her like all the time. I think about her a lot, possibly too much. I have to really make an effort to not be jealous of her guy-friends. They've known her for a long time, but, I know how guys think too. She was showing off her leg scar, getting people to touch a metal piece in her leg. I was biting my tongue. I really like her skin, and I don't want to share it. I'm not going around rubbing up on every girl whose first name I know.
Just breathe deep Marc, trust that she can take care of herself. After all, she may be friendly with other guys, but who does she like to lie in bed and watch cartoons with? Who does she sleep on? Who does she come to town to visit? That's right Marc, you. So, appreciate that instead of freaking out about little things.
I'm somewhat concerned as well, that the feelings I am currently experiencing, are exaggerated and may return to more normal levels of affection(for me anyway). Perhaps even worse than that, I might find myself disliking her, for reasons real or imagined. I certainly don't want to hurt her by leading her on just to let her go. Maybe that's why she doesn't want to go out with me, she knows eventually, we'll likely part ways. And hearing the way she talks about her exes(who, in my opinion, she mentions all too often), I'm not sure I want to be one.
*sigh*
I still want to be with her, so I think I'll just 'keep up the good work', in that I will stay in contact with her, but try not to pressure her into anything. I'm right going to get hurt her down the road I think. Ahh well, deal with that then.
It's like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, which she too enjoys. Knowing that we'll probably fall apart eventually, we would still come together, to enjoy what we could before then.
And I might be wrong too. Stranger things have happened.
Back to work for now. May Random find you well.
\m/
Labels: jealousy, relationships
