.thoughts

"This paranoid, paralyzed, vampire act's a little old"
I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm afraid to make a decision, or at least to stick by one. I'm in university, and I'm a number with an amount owing. I'm sabotaging myself so I cannot return. I don't know what it is I want, or even where to begin looking. But this doesn't feel right. So, I'm going to dig myself a little deeper, and then face the music. What is it I want? ("I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live...") I feel dead almost, or asleep. Like i tranquilized my personality long ago. I saw too much, now it's all I can do to forget. Why am I so afraid? What have I really got left to lose? I feel like damaged goods. Tainted by truth. The guilt sometimes gets so heavy i want to cry or kill myself, just to not feel. How many have I lead astray? How many more will follow me down?
Maybe I've got it all backwards. Maybe my eyes are open, and the sadness is the worlds, and not my own. It invades me, because i can see it. But what then? I must find a better way, and share it.
Well, if it's either or, I think I'll look forward. Or at least try to. Stress isn't good for the health.