What's up?

I'm working right now. Pretty tired too.

Went out last night with the girlfriend. Actually, she went out with her friends while I was working. The plan was that I would go pick her up after work, but by the time I was done my shift, we had both independently reached the decision that I should stay for a few drinks and we should cab it home.

So, I went to see her at the bar. She was right happy to see me, she gave me a kiss right away. Normally she's not much on public displays of affection. The dude she was talking too looked a little sad and left. I must admit, I did a little victory dance in my head. She was reasonably drunk when I got there, but still coherent and such, just silly and loud.

She told me she had been bragging me up to her friends throughout the night, that was quite pleasing to hear. Her friend that I had met in the last week gave a positive review. Well, sort of. She said basically, "Well, he sat there, talked, and laughed, as long as they laugh, it's all good". And I did laugh, cuz she's pretty funny. The whole crew of them yesterday were pretty funny. All loud, yelling out "Chin-chin! Penis!", in their francophone accents. Apparently, chin-chin, the traditional glasses clinking toasting sound, is a slang term for a/the penis in a foreign land. I can't remember which, I'm leaning towards China though.

At one point, m'lady said something like "I'm right drunk, but that's good news for you!". I was somewhat surprised. She then told me that she tends to get good reviews when drunk. I said, that's cool, but I still wasn't counting on anything.

My friend was working the door at the bar. I was able to introduce my girlfriend as just that, as opposed to last time, when she was simply my friend, who happened to be a girl. She made fun of me for being corny, but that's alright, I am pretty corny.

I still get insecure though. When she talked today about playing strip paper scissors rock with a friend long ago, that made me nervous. They ARE still friends. And she talks about her friends often. Her old boyfriends too. Usually she is complaining about her Exs, but sometimes, she just talks about their living situation and it makes me feel sort of bad. It's hard to explain, it's like, I wish it had been me, or, I feel outmatched by her experience. Like, "Hey! That's not fair! I didn't get to do that!".

Ok, I might be over-thinking this, but it's even like, what if we stayed together for a long time, and I got all hung-up on having really only had one sexual partner. I don't want to cause any problems over something as ridiculous as that. I just worry about me. I've never like, had a girlfriend before, so, I don't really know how I'll act. I hope honourably. So far so good anyway.

I am getting better at not being so insecure. Building my confidence I guess. It's good.

Besides all this girlfriend jazz, what have I been up to?

I mean, there's work, but besides that, we have been spending a lot of time together. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I'm staying out of trouble pretty well, that's good I guess. But, am I going to end up all boring? Or like clingy and annoying?

Still though, we talk and watch movies and cartoons, we get around town and such. It's not like my brain is totally shut off when I'm with her. Sometimes it does seem hard to think though.

Though my work is better suited for robots, I am quite glad to be human.

I often joke about looking forward to my own or humanities replacement by more efficient machines. But really, animals want to be strong and durable like machines, and machines want to be emotional and unique like animals. Grass is always greener I guess.

I watched a South Park episode about lice, and I must say, it was pretty heavy in some ways. Dealing with a possible extra-planetary origin of life, sustainability, consciousness, and climate shift, albeit for lice, was quite interesting and humourous.

***

"The struggle ends, when the gratitude begins"

That was on someone's answering machine just now. Seems applicable with regard to my earlier rantings. Again, be thankful, she likes you, she chooses to be with you, so, enjoy that.