Ranting the Day Away

I'm so horny I could cry, just to get some fluids out.

I masturbated yesterday, the only reason I know I went off is that my hand got all wet. I couldn't even feel it. What happened to me?

Ok, so maybe it isn't all pent-up horniness. I haven't been sleeping all that much, and I had my first week of school which involved a lot of early, long days. I have to get the bus at 7:15 to make it to school for my 8:15 class.

This is the first time I've made regular use of a public transit system, and I must say, not too shabby. I was able to get a monthly pass at the student rate of 44$, which is much better than what I would pay at 2$ a ride. And I can pretty much get anywhere I want to go in less than an hour if I check the schedule first or I am taking a route I know. And it sure beats walking when you've got a bag or two full of stuff with you, or it's cold or raining out, or you're tired.

But yeah, so I've been learning to navigate the bus system is Moncton this past week, it isn't too difficult to figure out. But, starting last Sunday night, I developed an abscess problem at my tailbone that was quite troubling. I could hardly sit normally, and was wearing a wad of toilet paper in my underwear in anticipation of its disgusting eruption. So, as you can imagine, m first day of school, Monday morning, was a little awkward. I had to slowly lower myself into a chair and shift positions often to not be in constant pain. It was a long day, having been my first day that started so early and lasted all day, with no nap or anything! Then with the butt thing, and carrying a bag full of books, and riding the bus for an hour or so, and no weed all day, I was in a pretty bad mood.

I feel bad about that, because Michelle had made me supper, and I was tired and dirty, and I had lived on coffee and cigarettes, and didn't smoke weed yet, so I wasn't hungry. Then, I was a little upset that the apartment was pretty much dirtier than when I left, and the laundry was not done. Now, I know I sound really sexist, like, "Clean my shorts woman!", but really, it was just because she had said she would and then didn't that I was upset. That, and I knew I needed to do laundry before school tomorrow, and now would have to be doing that for a while, which means keeping my pants on and going through the building to the basement a few times. Again, it isn't that this is women's work, in fact, since we've lived here, I'm the one who has done all the laundry. She did some laundry at her parents place over Thanksgiving, but so did I at my parents place the same weekend. I don't know why I'm making a big deal here, just to say that I certainly do my fair share of laundry.

But yeah, so I was pretty ungrateful about supper Monday, and I felt bad about that. I ended up lancing and draining my butt-pimple thinger, which was probably a new record for gross pimple-poppings, at least preformed by me. It required quite a bit of cleanup afterwards anyway, and I still couldn't sit comfortably that night, but by the following morning, my ass was back in business! So, Tuesday should have been better, right? But no, now I had to deal with a leaky ass-pimple, and the toilet paper at school is like wiping your ass with a receipt. And I got home later, because school goes just a little bit too late for me to make the earlier bus. I went to the liquor store to buy some tiny airplane-sized bottles to "freshen up" up my energy drink. I stopped at a newsstand to buy a magazine for Michelle that she had been unable to find at a few stores she had checked close to home. Me either for that matter. But anyway, I got home, feeling fine, a little buzzed and bearing gifts, thinking I would be much more pleasant today. But then we started talking, I asked Michelle about her day, she told me she got up at 1pm, and then I said something like "Four hours ago!" and she got pretty angry, and told me something like "Could you let me talk for one freakin' second!", which put me in a bad mood pretty quick. Then when I started to rant and complain about my day, she told me I could quit school if I wanted to.

I was quite disheartened by this; when Michelle rants about her bad day at work, I don't tell her to quite her job. I listen, agree with what's reasonable, and...

***

Work got busy. I just came back from a break. I dropped the kids off at the pool; much more satisfying today then yesterday's "wet hand dilemma". I feel pretty foolish about getting all crazy. Now I'm more worried about my homework and that fucking essay I need to write for TSD for this Friday. I need to get in contact with people in the industry I am studying to enter and ask them about the job, and what kind of person succeeds in it, and how the job market is and that sort of thing. I mean, these are things I kind of already know, but I guess I need to speak with people already working in the industry, like five of them, as sources for this essay. But I also don't need to actually cite my sources I think, it's more of an informal essay. So, I may be able to get away with not actually conducting any research, so long as it all sounds good. I don't feel good about doing it that way though, I have a feeling it would come back to bite me in the ass.

I suppose, I could just use the appointment to sort of set things up further, get her to help me with my essay, make sure it sounds good and such. She wasn't too helpful last time I was there though, she made me feel pretty nervous about the whole thing.

***

More time has passed. My thought train has been through a few different stations, and is currently en route somewhere else. I'm trying to tie up some loose ends to finish this post neatly, but really, it wouldn't be accurate if I did clean things up all tidy. Things are still complex, with lots of positives and negatives all around, and some things whose value is unclear, that may be positive or negative, depending on one's perspective. It's exciting though; trying to determine how everything fits together, and how you fit in with everything. Working to better your position, and helping those you care about better themselves.

Also, I must mention, Christmas is coming, and it's pretty fun this year. I have some extra cash, and I think I'm doing pretty well with gift choices so far, in that the recipients should be pleased. I hope I don't go too crazy with the money, as I still have some stuff I could use, and I don't care much for asking for things. But I have a hard time making large purchases for myself. I 'lent' Michelle the money for a new camera, it's not a big deal or anything, but I kinda realized; the last time I spent that much money on myself, I bought this laptop, which was like, four years ago. I guess if I count all my expenses, some concerts and trips to Bathurst and Moncton when I lived in Bathurst were probably pretty close in price.

She'll get a lot of use out of it though, like me with the laptop, and she'll take care of it too. She's had her last camera, which is basically the analog version of the digital she picked up, for years now, and has never needed to take it in for repairs or anything. It just seems a little retarded to me, that I'm kinda sad because we don't get enough naked-time together, and I buy her gifts with my loan money. It seems like I should buy me gifts to cheer myself up. I guess I did buy a couple games and a controller for the gamecube, that was like 50$. It's not like I never get anything for myself, I just feel guilty about spending money that I guess I think of as ours on me. I don't know if I could ask her to lend me money to buy myself something, not that she would refuse, but I don't know if I could assert myself like that. I have that whole inferiority complex thing going on I guess.

I guess that's why I brought up my school stuff and what I was doing, because I don't think I'm perfect by any means. In fact, I'm not surprised Michelle hasn't been to eager to hop into be with me; I've been pretty grumpy. Who wants to sleep with that? Exactly. So, yeah, I'm kinda causing my own problems as of late. Maybe more than as of late, and maybe everyone does that, not just me. But then again, luck factors in. Or seems to anyway...

So, again, I try and end this post. I say see you in the future, and may random find you well.
Then I type in the hand thing,
\m/
..and I'm done.
Have a good one.