Reflecting

Holy fuck I miss that girl.
She told me recently that we've already had more sex than with her last boyfriend of over two years, and we've been together since like Christmas. I feel kind of bad for the guy. Still though, I went to visit last weekend, and umm, it was a pretty big weekend.

She asked me to move in with her. It seems kind of sudden, but I want to do it none the less. I am probably going to delay it a bit, but at the same time, I'm going to bring things there and leave them to facilitate the moving process. This is all new territory for me, so, I'm pretty nervous. At the same time though, I'm really excited. This could be tremendously good.

I still would like a better job, but the company I work for from home now, is based in the same city as my girlfriend, so I could move in-house, which would make it easier to work long shifts and possibly even advance within the company if I found it to be an environment I really like.
Seems unlikely though that I would make a career out of radio and television ratings.

Just today or yesterday, someone asked me if I worked in radio. They said I had a good voice for it. I laughed, said thank you, and remarked how the pay is probably better. Really, even if I had to do shitty commercials for products I hate, it probably wouldn't be any harder than my current job. And again; with better pay. But, I have no communications degree. Still, I'll keep an eye out. Can't hurt to apply.

I think my problem with guitar is that I try too hard. I am too afraid of sounding like someone else, or not being technically impressive enough. I worry that if my music is too easy too play, it will be poorly received. But then I have a hard time playing it when I'm nervous, if it's at the edge of my abilities. Perhaps I should play more mellow music, try and relax, just let it flow.

I'm about ready to eat some magic mushrooms I think. It's been a while, and I think I will be better received, now that I'm working at getting myself together. I know, that sounds a little crazy, but I mean, come on, it's tripping, what do you expect?

I've never tripped with a girl that was like, into me and not attached, so, if I were to trip with my girlfriend, I don't really know for sure what would happen, but I think it could be really amazing. Like, I feel sort of damaged from previous trips that went a little crazy. I would like to be able to repair this damage, if possible without consulting the other parties involved in the bad trips. Is this cowardly, or selfish, or is this smart and safe? I do not rightly know. But, I do know I'd like to be able to feel comfortable in social situations again.

I worry though, that the problem isn't the bad trips I had, but the mindless chatter. The idle talk about TV shows and sports, where nothing is gained really but trivial knowledge of no practical value. Thus, when I spend time with other people, if they aren't super interesting and entertaining, I get bored and disappointed in them. Then, of course, I feel bad for being so judgmental, and I get depressed for being 'high and mighty' or pompous.

There's a quote about that. Hold on reader, I'll dig that up for you;

George Jean Nathan; "I drink to make other people interesting."

I know how you feel sometimes fella. Sometimes though, I wish I didn't.

I best wrap it up for now. May random find you well. K O R I T F W.
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