Too Heavy

Too Heavy
One toke over the line
One line over the edge
One step over the ledge

Every sensation takes on a threatening quality.
Your shirt, it's too tight.
The air is dirty and stale.
You can feel it making your eyes sticky.

Your favourite song sounds out of tune.
And the singer is laughing at you.
You pathetic little shit.
What did you expect?

So slow to learn my lesson.

Keep your mouth shut. Don't even write it down. Stop.
Your stomach is heavy, distracting you.

Maybe I'm wrong.

The air rounds slightly, not so edgy.

Maybe I'm just paranoid or confused or tired.
I could be malnourished.
That's right, there's loads of reasons why I feel.

Too heavy.
Sharpening again.

Self righteous, self loathing, and scaring myself stupid.

...an unfamiliar song, chosen for it's reputation.
Well earned, it proves to be.
Bobbing my head now, I can almost forget...

I forget.

The art of distraction is under appreciated.

With normalcy restored, I continue.

Guilt and Addiction-Ambition

Update:

Feeling guilty for hitting the medicine cabinet. Forgot to mention nasal spray use. Didn't drink prescription cough syrup. Left most of benzos. Still, friends of the family, I probably should leave their drugs alone.

Hopefully, they don't keep track of their drugs like I do. Still, if confronted, I will admit to my misdeeds. I'd prefer not getting caught, but when I left, I was still in a haze, there's a good chance I left some sign of my activities. I hope I didn't leave an unsniffed line of temazepam on a book or table or something.

Still, I wonder if they'd notice the cough syrup disappearing...

Denial runs deep I guess.

House Sitting

I think I took 7 30mg Tylenol with Codeine.
I skimmed a bit from three 15mg temazepam twice.
Pocketed 9.
Plus I took some benadryl, like 2 or 3.

I drank 6 beer of my own, at least two of the house owner's.
I mixed probably three drinks with the last can of sprite and some flat old coca-cola.
One whiskey, one souther comfort, and one with soco and a 5 year old rum.
Not too shabby, had to drink one this morning though, all warm and such.

Woke up in the master bedroom, "Odd", I thought, "I had planned to sleep on the couch"

Look around, no obvious messes. One sad looking joint, can't even light it.
I recall putting temazepam in a joint or two. I wonder if you can even smoke benzos.
I looked up a few videos on the net. I hope I disconnected, because I'm pretty sure they have dialup.

Cleaned up my empties, let the dog out, check his dish, looks good. Found my last cigarette, went out to smoke it and enjoy the morning. My mom pulls in the driveway while I'm outside smoking. I wave, "Hello". Good timing.

I get my stuff together and head on out. Done my housesitting duty for the day.