Getting there

Working.
Once again legally allowed to drive.
Drinking bourbon daily.
Smoking way less weed than I have.
Possible problem with dexedrine, but under control as of now.
Sleeping ok, eating well.
Not on night shifts, w00t!
Thomas starts kindergarten in the fall, oh my heavens.

Michelle's grandmother, not doing to well. She's pretty upset.
It's too bad, she's a pretty cool old lady.

New staff at work.
Linda committed suicide. That was sad too.

Working late now, Jagot has appointments.

Getting there.

Stream of thought

Thinking about music. Playing music.
A band of ghosts, that gathers yearly for a jam session, for all eternity.
Is it time to take psychedelics again?

I'd like to try growing some coffee.
Poppies too.
Of course marijuana.

Maybe I should visit the local Native tribe, and ask them to teach me about the plants growing wild here.

Am I just looking for another intoxicant?

I don't know if I'm succeeding, or just surviving.

I want more, but I'm not sure if I can really handle it.

I haven't spent time with my friends in a while.

I broke a guitar string over a month ago, and I haven't bought a new set yet. The strings are over a year old, and due for a change.

Maybe we're all due for a change.

Results are in;
There's a cyst in my chin.
Excise the blip,
Don't paralyze my lip!

Seriously though, there is a small chance of lip paralysis. I asked the ENT if he meant as far as sensation, or movement. He said movement.

My girlfriend thinks I should just leave it alone. If the cyst doesn't pose a threat, leave it there and not risk the facial paralysis. I see her point, but I worry a  cyst left long enough might turn into a tumor or something. I haven't done any research, but my gut tells me to get rid of it. If my lip is affected and my speech is impeded, that might hurt my chances of working in radio or as a voice-over actor. Not that my chances are great now, but working in call centers for years, I have more than once been told I have a pleasant voice that would translate well to radio. I even listen to the radio, like, the real radio, not just podcasts. Although, most of the programs on the radio are also available for download as podcasts now. At least on CBC radio.

...I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time...

\m/

Tequila Talk

Why is it cheaper to buy Tequila from Mexico than to buy Whiskey from Tennessee? Hard to say. Pretty tasty stuff, either way. Christmas is coming, I've got to buy gifts. I ordered some toys for my son. Nintendo characters. He should be quite pleased. There's thoughts I'm not thinking. I think anyway. With a brain soaked in booze, it's hard for worries to stay. But not impossible. I'm hardly learning, I watch too much tv. Hard to stay frosty, and spend time with family. I should break out a book, I've got lots yet to read. I should try and be friendly, maybe smoke lots of weed. I don't think I need... Christmas is coming, Time marches on. Enjoy the present, 'cuz soon it'll be gone. My mouth tastes of mexico, My thoughts are of home. Nowhere else I want to go, No calling to roam. I'm cold, getting old, and occasionally bold. *** I had a CT scan earlier this week. That was strange. The iodine made me feel like puking, my throat and choad were overly warm. Next week I call, to see the results. Then book some surgery so my tie won't feel too tight. I should be alright.

I've been cutting back on my alcohol intake.
It seems to be going well enough.
Still having some on my nights off.
But not as often as I could.

Trying to stay positive.
Still living in my parents' basement.
My lady has expressed interest in having another child, which sounds great, but we both agree our circumstances aren't the best at the moment.
But we're pushing thirty...

I feel like I dropped the ball somewhere along the way.

I don't have any great ambitions for myself it seems.
Is that the weed?
Probably. But then again, I used to have big plans, and I smoked then too.

Am I too passive and accepting of my lot in life?
Or do I want too much?
I try and be happy in the now, spending time with my son, my family, occasionally my friends.
But am I dooming my future self by enjoying myself now?

This monologue is muddled.
I don't even know how I feel, let along how I should feel.

You make your own way in life I guess.

I think I'm ashamed of myself, for not doing more with what I had.
Or have.

On that note; I'm going to wrap this up and email my boss to see if I can work my hours.
Be well,
K O R I T F W
\m/

Sleazy

Post no bills.
No risk, no thrills.
Fevers and chills.
Bottles and pills.

Ride out the storm,
Until they shut it down.
Controlling the sky,
From deep underground.

Play some music,
to soothe your soul.
Drink lots of whiskey,
to maintain control.

Stay away from the day.
The night is alright.
From the light you don't stray,
'gainst the darkness you fight.

The lies pile up
'Til you pay to rent trees.
And the government's made us,
a brand new disease.

such a sleaze

The heart burn pills,
are killing my knees.
The bank keeps calling for me,
to give me the squeeze.

The dog can't shit outside,
Let alone run free.
Made up rules we must abide,
by and large arbitrary.

Forget the past,
That shit's history.
Don't question life,
That's the great mystery.

Enjoy the ride,
keep your hands inside.
And when you get to the end,
you might get to ride it again.

\m/

Playing Games

Jump run shoot.
Avoid.
Climb.
Wait, don't run.
Take your time.

With nothing in mind.

Watch, and learn.
Listen and feel.
You can still have fun,
when nothing is real.

Roll the dice.
Pick a card.
Fate's crunching the numbers,
and working hard.

Where will you go?
Where will you be at the end?
In the winner's circle?
Not even for pretend.

exasperated

I don't know what to do
Keep going
Push through
Will it get better,
or hurt again?
How many times...

Am I an idiot,
for getting worked up?
Or am I an idiot,
for trying to forget.

I don't fucking get it
Maybe I never will
I'll swallow my pride,
while I throwback a pill

*sigh*

I should cry
because it hurts to consider
But I'm not that surprised
This shits making me bitter