Ranting the Day Away

I'm so horny I could cry, just to get some fluids out.

I masturbated yesterday, the only reason I know I went off is that my hand got all wet. I couldn't even feel it. What happened to me?

Ok, so maybe it isn't all pent-up horniness. I haven't been sleeping all that much, and I had my first week of school which involved a lot of early, long days. I have to get the bus at 7:15 to make it to school for my 8:15 class.

This is the first time I've made regular use of a public transit system, and I must say, not too shabby. I was able to get a monthly pass at the student rate of 44$, which is much better than what I would pay at 2$ a ride. And I can pretty much get anywhere I want to go in less than an hour if I check the schedule first or I am taking a route I know. And it sure beats walking when you've got a bag or two full of stuff with you, or it's cold or raining out, or you're tired.

But yeah, so I've been learning to navigate the bus system is Moncton this past week, it isn't too difficult to figure out. But, starting last Sunday night, I developed an abscess problem at my tailbone that was quite troubling. I could hardly sit normally, and was wearing a wad of toilet paper in my underwear in anticipation of its disgusting eruption. So, as you can imagine, m first day of school, Monday morning, was a little awkward. I had to slowly lower myself into a chair and shift positions often to not be in constant pain. It was a long day, having been my first day that started so early and lasted all day, with no nap or anything! Then with the butt thing, and carrying a bag full of books, and riding the bus for an hour or so, and no weed all day, I was in a pretty bad mood.

I feel bad about that, because Michelle had made me supper, and I was tired and dirty, and I had lived on coffee and cigarettes, and didn't smoke weed yet, so I wasn't hungry. Then, I was a little upset that the apartment was pretty much dirtier than when I left, and the laundry was not done. Now, I know I sound really sexist, like, "Clean my shorts woman!", but really, it was just because she had said she would and then didn't that I was upset. That, and I knew I needed to do laundry before school tomorrow, and now would have to be doing that for a while, which means keeping my pants on and going through the building to the basement a few times. Again, it isn't that this is women's work, in fact, since we've lived here, I'm the one who has done all the laundry. She did some laundry at her parents place over Thanksgiving, but so did I at my parents place the same weekend. I don't know why I'm making a big deal here, just to say that I certainly do my fair share of laundry.

But yeah, so I was pretty ungrateful about supper Monday, and I felt bad about that. I ended up lancing and draining my butt-pimple thinger, which was probably a new record for gross pimple-poppings, at least preformed by me. It required quite a bit of cleanup afterwards anyway, and I still couldn't sit comfortably that night, but by the following morning, my ass was back in business! So, Tuesday should have been better, right? But no, now I had to deal with a leaky ass-pimple, and the toilet paper at school is like wiping your ass with a receipt. And I got home later, because school goes just a little bit too late for me to make the earlier bus. I went to the liquor store to buy some tiny airplane-sized bottles to "freshen up" up my energy drink. I stopped at a newsstand to buy a magazine for Michelle that she had been unable to find at a few stores she had checked close to home. Me either for that matter. But anyway, I got home, feeling fine, a little buzzed and bearing gifts, thinking I would be much more pleasant today. But then we started talking, I asked Michelle about her day, she told me she got up at 1pm, and then I said something like "Four hours ago!" and she got pretty angry, and told me something like "Could you let me talk for one freakin' second!", which put me in a bad mood pretty quick. Then when I started to rant and complain about my day, she told me I could quit school if I wanted to.

I was quite disheartened by this; when Michelle rants about her bad day at work, I don't tell her to quite her job. I listen, agree with what's reasonable, and...

***

Work got busy. I just came back from a break. I dropped the kids off at the pool; much more satisfying today then yesterday's "wet hand dilemma". I feel pretty foolish about getting all crazy. Now I'm more worried about my homework and that fucking essay I need to write for TSD for this Friday. I need to get in contact with people in the industry I am studying to enter and ask them about the job, and what kind of person succeeds in it, and how the job market is and that sort of thing. I mean, these are things I kind of already know, but I guess I need to speak with people already working in the industry, like five of them, as sources for this essay. But I also don't need to actually cite my sources I think, it's more of an informal essay. So, I may be able to get away with not actually conducting any research, so long as it all sounds good. I don't feel good about doing it that way though, I have a feeling it would come back to bite me in the ass.

I suppose, I could just use the appointment to sort of set things up further, get her to help me with my essay, make sure it sounds good and such. She wasn't too helpful last time I was there though, she made me feel pretty nervous about the whole thing.

***

More time has passed. My thought train has been through a few different stations, and is currently en route somewhere else. I'm trying to tie up some loose ends to finish this post neatly, but really, it wouldn't be accurate if I did clean things up all tidy. Things are still complex, with lots of positives and negatives all around, and some things whose value is unclear, that may be positive or negative, depending on one's perspective. It's exciting though; trying to determine how everything fits together, and how you fit in with everything. Working to better your position, and helping those you care about better themselves.

Also, I must mention, Christmas is coming, and it's pretty fun this year. I have some extra cash, and I think I'm doing pretty well with gift choices so far, in that the recipients should be pleased. I hope I don't go too crazy with the money, as I still have some stuff I could use, and I don't care much for asking for things. But I have a hard time making large purchases for myself. I 'lent' Michelle the money for a new camera, it's not a big deal or anything, but I kinda realized; the last time I spent that much money on myself, I bought this laptop, which was like, four years ago. I guess if I count all my expenses, some concerts and trips to Bathurst and Moncton when I lived in Bathurst were probably pretty close in price.

She'll get a lot of use out of it though, like me with the laptop, and she'll take care of it too. She's had her last camera, which is basically the analog version of the digital she picked up, for years now, and has never needed to take it in for repairs or anything. It just seems a little retarded to me, that I'm kinda sad because we don't get enough naked-time together, and I buy her gifts with my loan money. It seems like I should buy me gifts to cheer myself up. I guess I did buy a couple games and a controller for the gamecube, that was like 50$. It's not like I never get anything for myself, I just feel guilty about spending money that I guess I think of as ours on me. I don't know if I could ask her to lend me money to buy myself something, not that she would refuse, but I don't know if I could assert myself like that. I have that whole inferiority complex thing going on I guess.

I guess that's why I brought up my school stuff and what I was doing, because I don't think I'm perfect by any means. In fact, I'm not surprised Michelle hasn't been to eager to hop into be with me; I've been pretty grumpy. Who wants to sleep with that? Exactly. So, yeah, I'm kinda causing my own problems as of late. Maybe more than as of late, and maybe everyone does that, not just me. But then again, luck factors in. Or seems to anyway...

So, again, I try and end this post. I say see you in the future, and may random find you well.
Then I type in the hand thing,
\m/
..and I'm done.
Have a good one.

Rant while you work

I feel like writing, but I don't know what to write about. I guess really, I feel more like reading. I'm working again, this makes it nine days straight, so I can't really read a book. The websites I frequent for short reads, Fmylife and text from last night, are updated too slowly for my current work-binge. I have read the whole sites I believe. Every text, every fmylife. I stop by givesmehope now and then, but it just doesn't hold my interest like fmylife or text from last night. Does it make me a bad person to prefer reading about life's little fuck ups over life's unexpected good fortunes?

I wonder what the psychology grad students are theorizing about fmylife as a cultural phenomenon. What kind of indicator is it? I know I have started hearing about world events from txt from last night. For real; I heard about the VMAs (sort of) through tfln, and even Patrick Swayze's death, and Kanye's outburst at said award show. This may not be the most important news of the day, but still, it's where I heard it first. Mind you, I don't have cable, so I don't get much information from the tv anymore, but certainly i am not alone. My generation, that refuses to pay for music, is likely switching more and more to streaming and downloading their television programs rather than enduring the commercials and volume changes and censoring so annoyingly present on network television.

What was I going to say? I though I had an idea worth sharing, but I can't seem to recall what it was. Dang work, always getting in the way of my slacking off! The calls, they just never stop. One after the other, I must be dreaming about ringing phones these days.

It will be nice to work in the health sector as opposed to the market research/phone jockey crap I do now. Don't get me wrong, it's better than some work, but it's hard to do more than get by doing this. I can't imagine trying to raise a family on my wage.

Talking to people on the phones, asking how many hours per week people are working, I've come to notice that people work too much. 60 hours, 80 hours or even 100 hours a week spent working is more and more often the norm. It's like we're working so much we hardly have time to enjoy our lives. We spend money for convenience, because we've got work to do and things to take care of before that, and only so many hours in a day, let alone business hours. So we buy what's close, what's easy, and we pay out the ass for it. Then we work more, to try and get ahead, but now we can't make the grocery store, so we have to buy our food at whatever store is open after 1am. So, now we're dealing with less selection, buying food we don't really want, so we can work more shifts we don't want to, at our job we don't really like, so we can pay our bills, so we don't get kicked out of our shitty apartments or lose our crappy cars. Our health suffers as we don't eat well and we lose sleep trying to get ahead. This costs us more money, as we lose time from work and need medications. So we work more to make up, which means less relaxing, less sleep, and less quality time with loved ones. Our health suffers, mentally and physically.

Anyway, no one wants to hear someone else complain about work. Things are pretty good in a lot of other ways, just the whole monetary system kind of gets me down. You know, how it's designed to create inflation and scarcity to increase profits forever, to benefit those with power and at the cost of those without. But, what are you going to do, move off the grid? Live in a shack in the woods? Come on, you know you want sneakers and goretex and teflon and penicillin, you can't just up and quit, right?

...Right?

Not much, you?

Working lots. Everyday for a week now. Put in extra hours yesterday, probably again today. As long as my shifts for the next few days aren't cut, I should be making some overtime on my next check. Which is good, because it will be coming conveniently on the first of the month. And we still have to pay our damage deposit, so yeah, it's a good time to work a lot.

I've still got to make my way to Training and Skills Development Canada, as well as Employment Insurance, in the near future. I need to see them to finalize my student loan before class starts in November. I'm a little nervous now thinking about it, as it's getting to be pretty close in the temporal sense, and I don't have all my necessary plans laid out. I haven't studied the bus route to determine how I will get to school yet. I haven't told work yet that I'll be going to school, so I'm not sure if I'll be keeping my job with reduced hours, or quitting to go to school, or if I'll get 'laid off for the season'. I haven't looked at the stuff from the school in months, I don't know if there are other things I should be doing or taking care of. I think I just basically have to arrange the money situation and buy my school supplies. I don't know where you buy lab coats or hospital scrubs really. Actually, as I recall, there is a local supplier listed with the required supplies. Also, my mom, working in a hospital lab, definitely knows where to get scrubs and lab coats. She even pointed out a scrub shop in North Tetagouche not long ago, now that I think about it. I always thought they sold like sports equipment to the local teams.

Ok, so, I might have freaked out a bit for nothing. I still have a good month and a half, and I'm planning to go to TSD this week some time. I guess EI doesn't take as long when you aren't accusing your former employer of criminal activity as well, so, that might be on the go in only two weeks. Still, I'll try and get a move on with it.

Besides that stuff, we're doing pretty good. Not spending a whole lot of quality time together, but it's good when we do. Playing Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door again, that's fun. Michelle is playing through for the first time, I'm just doing side quests and stuff on my old save game. We're a little short on funds, as usual, but we have food for a few days yet. We bought back one of my guitars, or picked it up at the pawn shop, whatever you want to call that. It was still mine there, in the back room or whatever, not for sale. It hadn't been forfeited I guess you say. Nice to have it back anyway. Though, I haven't had a chance to play it yet with all the working. After my shift today, I don't work until 6pm tomorrow, so I'll have some time to hopefully play some guitar, and watch a movie with Michelle before work. If we don't end up playing Paper Mario all day that is.

We've got a few things to look forward to down the road. We might go see Louis CK when he comes to town this month. Depends how we're doing. Jon Lajoie got pushed back to January, which is alright, something to do then that isn't ass-cold. Going to Bathurst for a family visit at the start of next month if all goes according to plans. I don't know, I could go either way on this. I like visiting, but I don't like not being able to work, as well as spending money that could be used to buy a new tv or dvd player that Michelle has expressed an interest in acquiring. Don't get me wrong, I want them too, I just don't want to be disappointed if we don't get them maybe? Maybe I know I'd rather watch our old tv with the knobs and no remote and go visit the family and go out to do things and have a drink or eight now and then. I guess Michelle just knows better what's important. That last sentence looks like, Yoda-speak or phrased Frenchly. Oh well, *shrug*.

There are some things we didn't buy this week, laundry stuff and kitchen stuff mostly. We'll have to try and get them soon, but we're not suffering or anything. We still have clean clothes, and we can wash dishes as we need them. We're not down to our underwear eating out of cans with our hands, yet anyway. And would it be so horrible to be trapped semi-nude with one's girlfriend? I think not.

Well, things to do, calls to take, you know how it is. Have a good one, and may random find you well.
\m/

End of the Month

I'm a little nervous about the end of the month now. It looks as though we'll be evicted on the twenty-third of this month, and we only have a new place to live as of the first of next month. Obviously, that poses a problem. Not so much where will we stay, we can get a cheap hotel room for a week, but where will we keep all our stuff? We have a rather large bed, a fish tank, a cage with three ferrets, a few chairs, some tables, the usual stuff really. Too much to bring to a hotel room. Also, as I work from home over the internet, so, if we stay in a hotel room for a week, I'll have to take a week off I guess.

Not only that, we'll have to pay the first month's rent, along with the damage deposit, and this month's rent that we didn't pay yet. Plus I need to get my criminal record check for school by the twenty-eighth, and make my way out to Dieppe some time soon to meet with a Training and Skills Development Canada officer or counsellor, I don't know what they like to be called yet.

But, I have been working a lot more. Today makes five days in a row, haven't done that in a while. If I continue working everyday for the next two weeks or so, I should have a good check for the end of the month too. Michelle wants to do something, maybe go on a little weekend trip to Halifax or something around Moncton.

That gives me an idea; we had wanted to go camping when we were in Bathurst, but were too busy. Perhaps this might be a good time to go camping. It is getting late in the summer now, the campgrounds should be fairly emptied out, if we even go to one. We should be pretty well set to relax for a few days. Hell, we could maybe camp instead of getting a hotel room. Shower at a friend's place, hope for good weather, that sorta thing. Food for thought anyway.

Well, work is getting a little busier, so I best focus on that for a while. May random find you well.
\m/

Quick Update

Things are pretty good right now.
I'm working a fair amount this week, with hours picking up even more as the fall approaches. We're looking for a new apartment, as our current living situation has become critical. Our landlord has been freaking out about rent not being paid on time, and adding rules to our lease. Namely a quiet time after 10pm. This is hard to deal with, as we both often work nights, or until late, and doing dishes or laundry can be loud. It's not like we're having parties or listening to loud music or anything ridiculous. But anyway, we're looking for a new place to live, and in fact have a spot in mind, we just need to come up with some money to get the landlord to hold it for us.

We had the money for this month's rent, but we blew it. We still are blowing it in fact. We were only a little bit short, less than 40$, but we would have had to pawn things to come up with the cash, and we would still have no money for food or cigarettes, let alone marijuana, which we both use, at least partially medicinally. So, we decided to eat and smoke rather than starve and have a happy landlord.

We should be pretty stressed, as we got an eviction notice and everything, but we're not. I'm going to have a student loan coming in in the near future, not to mention possibly EI and a grant from the federal government. I know, it's irresponsible, but we're just tired of tip-toeing around our own apartment. It doesn't feel much like home when you have to worry about how much noise you make getting a snack or laughing too loudly at the tv.

So, we're kind of enjoying ourselves while we can, until magic money saves our ass, or it blows up in our face, whichever comes first. I'm hoping it's the money. I am trying to work everyday this month, it just depends how many shifts don't get cancelled I guess. That, or my student loan could come in, that would be swell.

I'm going to try and catch up on some reading soon too. It's a good way to pass the time, now that it isn't too hot to think. Good storms this time of year too. Nature's fireworks. That's all for now, may random find you well.
\m/

Put half the deposit down for schoolin'.

Smoked some grass and felt quite a bit better, more relaxed, less stressed.

My shift wasn't cancelled for tonight, that's nice. I'm working right now as a matter-of-fact. What's more, not one, but three of my old friends contacted me in the last two days. Two of them were hoping to visit me tonight, I don't know if and when we'll get to hang out, because I'm working all weekend, but it was still good to hear from them.

I've still got a bit of a rash from some cheap store brand bandages I bought when my ear was all infected and gross. I picked up some name brand bandages today though, so I should be good. I'd like to pick up my Wii and electric guitar soon, but we have some expenses coming up still. Hopefully, I'll be able to work a few shifts a week and maybe get a half-decent paycheck so m'lady doesn't have to work so much. She's been working like five and six days a week, as opposed to her regular four days on four days off. She works twelve hour shifts too. Days and nights. Fun fun.

So, hopefully I'll be able to carry my own weight again. I keep trying to look for a second job, but the lady discourages it. She says that she doesn't want to see me any less. But I mean, with her working as often as she does, we don't get to see each other that much as is. That's why I'm hoping my current job stops cancelling my shifts, and then she won't have to work so much to cover the bills, and who knows, we may be able to afford to go out now and then. I'd like to get her everything she wants, but right now, we just can't afford it. We're having a hard enough time keeping fed right now.

I must seem fairly boring lately, not a whole lot going on. Reading some Philip K Dick at the moment, ordered some more. Had a Katimavik billeter stay with us for a while, not too much to report there. He told his group that he smoked pot with us, which he didn't but could have if he wanted to. We thought that was odd. He was an odd fellow overall. He would open a new package of something (spaghetti and coffee specifically) rather than finish off the one that is open. In fairness, the coffee was dark roast, and he wanted regular, but still, now I have to use them quickly or they won't be fresh. Also, he took a book without asking. It was funny, Michelle was just going to ask him if he wanted to borrow it, but he was already gone, and had taken the book with him.

He was pretty quiet, and kind of funny. He didn't add too much, but didn't make it hard to be home either. It was kind of nice to be able to pass on some movie, music and video game knowledge as well. He hadn't even seen Fight Club, can you believe it?

My brother had a birthday recently, talked with him about video games and a possible new ghostbusters movie and that sort of thing. He apparently has no interest in getting a job. My girlfriend right calls him a loser, and it sort of makes me feel bad, but I mean, she's kind of right too. I would just probably say he doesn't have his priorities well arranged or something. Loser just seems like such a harsh word.

I mean, he's a loser as opposed to what, a 'cool guy'? What makes someone cool? Wanting a job? I doubt that. But being self-sufficient is pretty cool, so I hear anyway! I guess not even wanting to take care of yourself is kind of lame I suppose. It's a good way to end up still living with your parents at thirty, that's for sure.

I don't know, I guess I'll just get back to work for now, try and stay awake to spend some time with Michelle before sleep. Hopefully I'm able to meet up with one or both of my friends in town this weekend. May random find you well. \m/

It's been a little while now since I've posted anything.
Hasn't been a whole lot to report. Family stuff. Went to a baptism.

But now, I've applied for a Pharmacy Tech course this fall. I mean, I already know most of the stuff I'll be taking first semester, and I'd be happy to learn more about prescriptions and pharmacology in general, so why not eh? I'll be reading about drugs for the rest of my life anyway, I might as well get a certificate to prove it. Plus; I'll get to wear a lab coat.

Not only that, but with the student loans, bursaries, and government incentives available, I may actually get paid to go to school. I may not even need a loan if EI picks up my books and half my tuition, as they supposedly do.

What really prompted this decision though, was not all this common sense stuff I just listed but the financial difficulties we are now facing. By we I mean me and m'lady. This commercial pretty much sums it up;




We can't afford both. Not without borrowing. I shoplifted some cheese yesterday, because I did not have enough for that and a package of store-brand hot dogs. I've been collecting sugar and ketchup packets at restaurants all week, again, because we could not afford to buy sugar and ketchup. This is not fun, and not something I am proud of.



My reserve tobacco bags, that we've been hand-rolling cigarettes from when we run out of tailor-mades, are almost empty. Less than ten cigarettes worth of tobacco remain on reserve. I don't want to have to scour the ground outside of bars for cigarette butts to re-roll at home again, it's been years since I've been that poor, but, I fear it may come that time again soon.



We decided we should take turns going back to school, and being that Michelle earns significantly more than me, and thus it would be easier to live on her wage alone than mine, I will be going to school first. After that, it will be her turn, as I will be making more money, and what's more, I'll be in a secure job sector. Health Care is not going anywhere anytime soon.



Of course, I realize that this poses a potential problem; what if we were to break-up? I would certainly feel obligated to support her through school, as she had/will for me. I do not anticipate that being a problem though, as I love her like crazy, and she too seems quite fond of me.

*** 15 Hours Later ***

I stopped mid-post yesterday because Michelle came home and was sitting beside me, and I prefer to 'blog' solo. I feel like a geek, but whatever, I am, so it's all good.

I had a dream last night, I came out to the kitchen, and there were only three or four slices of bread left from a loaf that I knew had been a full loaf when I last saw it. I think I may have been sleeping, but I didn't have to get dressed, so maybe napping(in my dream I mean) is more accurate. My Uncle Harry was there, I believe with someone else, perhaps a lady, I believe they were talking politely, with the radio playing quietly, and possibly it was sunny. I was at my parent's house, I could tell from the kitchen, but it seemed odd somehow. My Uncle seemed more spry than he actually is.

In the dream, I got upset with him a bit, not because he used so much bread, but because he had used my favourite, the end piece. There was one left, and when I started whining, he offered it to me, saying something like, "I was going to use it for a hamburger bun, but you can have it if you want". I realized immediately in my dream even, what a whiner I was, and told him to use it himself.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to try some over-the-counter natural ADD supplements, mostly Omega-3 fish oil stuff, and I must say, I am quite impressed with the results. There was one point where I was deep in thought, and I could see somewhere else, like a really vivid daydream. I was sort of hot and cold, not unlike other cognitive enhancers. I wasn't grinding my teeth or anything, I just took the recommended dosage though. I wasn't too hungry at supper-time, but after a while my appetite came back.

I was surprised at how well my memory seemed to be working. It was a little overwhelming in fact, I went to lie down for a bit to try and relax. I told m'lady at one point that it felt like part of me that had been asleep was waking up. It seems a little corny or ridiculous now, but it seemed pretty accurate at the time. I took two yesterday, and I just took one now, I'm curious to see if it still has a noticeable effect. I was quite surprised at how much my mind seemed to be racing, considering these are specifically marketed to treat children, but I suppose, my mind my have been lagging as of late. I did sort of feel like a kid again. Weird.

Overall, I'm pretty optimistic. We're going to have some troubles paying rent, and I don't know what the landlord is going to think about that, but we will deal with that as it comes up. I should probably get to applying for student loans and provincial bursaries if I'm to get any. I will look into that later, as I should be finding out today if I was accepted into the course or not. My marks shouldn't be a problem, and I think I did well in the interview, so I'm not too worried about getting accepted. Wish me luck though.

I'll be back in the future, and may random find you well.
\m/

Having a few drinks tonight with the girlfriend.
Am I getting drunk too fast?
Will I be passing out on her?
Will she fall asleep sober before I even get into the swing?
I don't know, hopefully not.

We've been having some fun, she's on the TV now though, and I'm on the computer, don't have the attention span for TV. I'm skipping 5-minute songs before the end.

I got paid today, and basically I'm already broke. I have money, but it's for rent. It sucks, working what seems like a fair amount, putting in your time, trying hard, being a productive member of society, and not being able to afford shit.

Well, maybe I exaggerate. I did have enough to buy some booze, after all. Pretty much thanks to my girlfriend, who I referred to as my sugar-mama today. We laughed, but I mean, she makes more in a week than I make in two. She ends up paying for food and cigarettes and even alcohol and marijuana for me, and I feel bad about that. But, when I work, she gets disappointed if I want to work late, she often wants me to come visit her at work if we are both working. So, I'll finish at 11 rather than midnight or 1am or however late they end up dialing.

I shouldn't try to blame her, I could work more if I wanted to. I think I do though, so I may start.

I feel forgetful, like I had something to say but now I've forgotten what it was. I hope it wasn't anything too important. I'm distracted already, I'm done with this post. Have a good weekend folks, keep on rockin' in the free world. \m/

stream of thought

Well, it looks like my ear is clearing up nicely. No more hole big enough to smuggle something in. It's still a little pale and weird looking, but definitely on the mend.

Now, a few days ago, I noticed my tonsils were quite swollen. I thought that I had tonsillitis, as I had had tonsillitis before, and it looks the same as what was going on in my throat. I thought it was weird though, that I would develop an infection while already on antibiotics. But then, I figured, maybe they weren't strong enough, or maybe the drainage from my ear moved to my throat or something. Whatever it was, I knew I had to bring it up at my follow up appointment.

As it turns out, my amateur medical opinion was wrong. The Doc, after several hours in a waiting room, took a look at my throat, and said it looks more like mono or strep throat, and he took a throat swab and some blood tests to confirm. He told me they would call me later that night if there was anything to be concerned with. I asked the hematologist how long the tests take. She told me a half hour to fourty-five minutes. So, when I left the hospital at 9:30pm, I figured, if I don't get a call by midnight(the time the doctor that had seen me was off), then I must be good to go.

No call came, so I figured, I guess the Keflex will take care of it as well.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. The next morning, the doctor called to inform me that I was positive for mono. He told me to expect to be sick for about two weeks, and to avoid contact sports for another 8, as the spleen is often enlarged, and at risk of rupturing for about that long.

My girlfriend is sort of avoiding me a bit, to try and not catch the mono. But I mean, I don't hardly know anyone here, and the only people I've shared smokes and drinks with as of late are her and her friends. So, I'm pretty sure she's got it too. I mean, I don't hope that she gets sick, but I miss making out with her already.

It's been a pretty busy and stressful week all-in-all. We had to scramble to get money for rent, I actually pawned my Wii for a day. That was scary. It was almost my guitar. We still ended up short, but we were able to borrow some money to cover us, until payday, which was the next day.

The girlfriend's parents also came down for a visit. That was kind of nice, as they were able to drive us around, and took us out to lunch, but it was quite stressful for her as well. Mayhap her emotions were a tad exaggerated, but that happens when you're stressed and broke and hungry.

So, what now? We're working lots to try and get all caught up, so that we don't have stressful weeks like this past one. At least, that's what I figure. It's not something we have discussed directly. But nobody likes to worry about money.

Well, I'm going to focus on the task at hand, which is work. May random find you well.
-Marc

morning lite

I should be hung over.
I drank enough last night.
Maybe it's because I drank to give my lungs a break.
So my body, being thankful for my not smoking tons of yetis, alleviated my stomach problems, or at least temporarily blocked the signals, to reward my virtuous drunkenness.

Wishful thinking perhaps, but reflective of reality none-the-less.

And with sobriety, comes guilt at your absence. Whether this is caused by genuine karmic intuitions of misfortune, or a vitamin B12 deficiency, I do not know for certain. I know it comes to the same thing; time spent down on yourself.

Now I turn to facebook, and the mysterious friend requests from strangers. We have many friends in common, and they've added me as well, yet, I cannot remember them. They have similar names to people I know, and some of them appear to be attractive women, who believe they know me, and yet I cannot remember them? This is strange.

I remember something about the CIA data-miners providing funding for aspects of facebook, and I wonder now, are these strange individuals dummy files setup to gather information? Are they posing as forgotten old friends? What do they hope to learn?

I dreamed a few dreams last night, strange considering. I seldom wake up from drunk-sleep and remember dreams. I remember an old friends, no longer a friend. We were speaking in a polite manner. I remember a crowd. Weaving through it. Was it an outdoor concert perhaps?

From another night, I remember a family from my hometown, all gathered together in some sort of celebration. I remember having a difficult time determining which of the sisters had been in my class, opting to look for recognition in their faces. I had the distinct impression that this was yet to happen. Those I could see appeared to be dressed at least semi-formally.

Ok, now my stomach is starting to hurt. I just expectorated some cigarette tar, maybe that's it. My body is like, ok, if they lungs are going to hurt, we have to reroute power from the stomach block. Either that, or the coffee is sitting heavy on the cereal.

Am I just getting warm with this toque on? Making me mini-heat-stroke? Doubtful. Rambling though. What person other than me would care to read this? Admit it, if you aren't me, and you are reading this, aren't you asking yourself 'why am I reading this?'. I'm sorry, I'll try and make this more interesting again.

Should I embrace the drink, as it is a socially acceptable addiction, at least in part? Not that I am shunned for my marijuana consumption, though a few do disapprove. It's more like, because my father had his problems with the bottle, I'm afraid I'll get stuck in that too. So when I do drink, I am worried and guilty, making the drinking less fun, more stressful. So I drink more, to alleviate the stress, bringing me closer to that which I fear, being a full blown junky. I guess the term is drunk when you mean alcohol. Drunky.

Well, that's one thing I fear, but I'm not about to reveal all my secrets.

I've been thinking about a trip I had one time. I was high on a little pcp, and a lot of acid. I listened to music so loud, I lost contact with my body. All my attention was on the incoming audio signal. It bled through into my vision and sense of touch. As though all my cells are but floating on the surface of reality, which in turn is being rocked by the music. The music carries me through reality. It's hard to describe.

Almost like I backed my awareness up into my head, so all I was aware of was the music. What a good time that was. I literally had to check to see if I had ejaculated(I hadn't, but would not have been surprised if I had). I almost lost contact with my body another time on salvia. I was a tube, except for the back of my head, which I could still feel pressing hard into the floor. I could see the static from my headphones spiralling out from both sides in front of me, like a double helix.

It scared me, so I pretty much jumped up back into three dimensions. I don't know why, but I want to try and experience being music again. But I am afraid of bad-tripping. When I was drunk, I said for sure it is worth the risk to dose and try for a great buzz. But in the sober light of day, I just don't know if it's worth the risk.

So now that my shift is almost over, I'm thinking about tomorrow and payday. What should I do with my extra cash? Lots of alcohol? Guitar supplies? Try and find some pills? Finally get that prescription cough syrup? Damn intoxicants, so fun, but so shameful. Maybe just buy a lot of weed and smokes so I don't run out.

Now this post is getting shitty again, so I'll wrap it up here. May random find you well.\m/