the sentry and me, and also the void

the sentry and the void
a perfect analogy
for the anamnesis I have come to know

I reinstate the amnesia
but it doesn't take,
for me at least

I can still remember
fleeting thought it may be
my reflection upon the abyss

my infinite regression
a dangerous obsession
the search for truth is tearing me apart

the serum swallowed
the placebo effect
convince myself that I'm wrong
so we all can go on

i must be crazy
but aren't genius and insanity
two sides of the same coin?

can I use and not abuse this knowledge?
do I even have a will of my own?
Or am I pre-programmed and executing as designed.

ignore the possible implications
continue as you were
reality is real
for everyone

even me

Too Heavy

Too Heavy
One toke over the line
One line over the edge
One step over the ledge

Every sensation takes on a threatening quality.
Your shirt, it's too tight.
The air is dirty and stale.
You can feel it making your eyes sticky.

Your favourite song sounds out of tune.
And the singer is laughing at you.
You pathetic little shit.
What did you expect?

So slow to learn my lesson.

Keep your mouth shut. Don't even write it down. Stop.
Your stomach is heavy, distracting you.

Maybe I'm wrong.

The air rounds slightly, not so edgy.

Maybe I'm just paranoid or confused or tired.
I could be malnourished.
That's right, there's loads of reasons why I feel.

Too heavy.
Sharpening again.

Self righteous, self loathing, and scaring myself stupid.

...an unfamiliar song, chosen for it's reputation.
Well earned, it proves to be.
Bobbing my head now, I can almost forget...

I forget.

The art of distraction is under appreciated.

With normalcy restored, I continue.

you're broke

A splinter in your mind
you put it there yourself
you just had to know
had to be somebody else

you saw the wizard of oz
the man behind the curtain
now you've got no way home
you're lost, confused and hurtin'
you try to forget
try to look away
but it's always there
each and every day

you wanted truth
you've got it
now you can't relax
it's empty

you reach for the lie
but you know it's just smoke
you try to keep it together
but you know you can't,
you're broke